Disclaimer: DM and its characters belong to CBS and Viacom I'm just borrowing them for a bit
SNAKES IN THE GRASS
By Ann Rivers ann.rivers@virgin.net
This couldn't be happening. This nightmare couldn't be happening to
him. It just couldn't.
But it was. Unintentionally, of course - clearly something he wasn't meant
to hear.
But it was happening
"Steve, he's only trying to help
he doesn't mean any harm
he just wants to be involved
"
"I know that, dad, but
well, there's a pretty fine line between
involvement and interference, and
well, to be honest with you, dad,
Jesse tends to cross that line more times than I'm comfortable with
I
mean, did you see what happened yesterday, when he opened that box and took
out those letters
? As it turns out, they had nothing to do with my
investigation, but what if they had been
? What if those letters had
been the key evidence that we'd been looking for to nail this creep, only
to have the case thrown out because of illegal tampering
?"
"Yes, son, I see your point
fond as I am of him, he is
well, I must admit, he is rather a handful
if not for my skates, I
don't know how I'd keep up with him
!"
"Yeah, so I'd noticed
maybe I should have a root round the garage,
see if I can find a pair for me
at least then I'd stand a chance of
getting away before he starts bugging me
!"
Dear God, they were laughing at him now ! Hearty laughter, too
at
his expense.
He didn't know what shocked and hurt him more - that mocking laughter, or
what he heard next.
"Seriously, dad, I feel real bad about saying this
like you say,
he doesn't mean any harm, but
well, there's a lot riding on this case
I just can't risk Jesse blowing it by soiling evidence
"
"Okay, son, leave it with me
I'll have a word with him, and
well,
keep him out of your hair
after all, I'd hate to see you turn grey before your time, like I did
!"
As Steve smiled and nodded in gratitude, Mark glanced towards the door of
his office and frowned - feeling an oddly unsettling sensation that he was
being watched through its narrow opening.
But the corridor outside was completely clear
that flash of paranoia
seemingly groundless.
Wryly thinking he'd been spending far too much time around crime scenes,
Mark shook his head - pushing those concerns to the back of his mind as
he settled back to discuss Steve's latest case.
If he'd bothered to check, however, he would really have seen something
to worry about -
his new protégé, Jesse Travis, shuffling along the corridor
utterly shattered by what he'd just heard.
Within a few seconds, this simple errand for Amanda had turned his entire
world upside down.
For the first time in his life, he'd found two people who'd come to genuinely
care about him.
Strangers who'd provided him with something his own parents had been unable,
or unwilling, to give.
Something he'd yearned for his entire life - the loving support and solid
foundation of a real family.
Until two minutes ago, he'd thought he'd finally realised that dream. But
now, though
now
Still reeling from this cruel betrayal, Jesse headed instinctively to find
a source of steadying comfort.
Mark and Steve may have brought his dreams crashing down, but at least he
still had Amanda.
Except he didn't
Instead of offering him the welcoming, friendly smile that he so desperately
needed to see,
Amanda Livingston greeted his unscheduled entrance with an irritable sigh
of exasperated patience.
"Oh, Jesse, how many times do I have to tell you
? When my door
is closed, you need to knock
!"
As Jesse stared at her, totally mortified, Amanda then sighed once more
and tiredly shook her head, breathing hard while pointing a bloodied glove
around five sheeted gurneys which surrounded her.
"You see these, Jesse
? It's a family, wiped out by some moron
of a driver who skipped a red light. Father, mother, and three kids
all killed because this idiot didn't want to miss his ballgame
And
you know what gets me, Jesse
? He comes away with nothing worse than
a broken leg
! And you know what his first words were when he came
out of surgery
? Did the Lakers win
??!!? He wipes out an entire
family, and all he cares about is some stupid damn ballgame
!"
Left even more shaken by this senseless tragedy, Jesse stared helplessly
back at her, sharing her pain - moved by his own doctor's compassion to
try and offer his colleague some words of comfort.
"Oh God, Amanda, I - I'm so sorry
do you need anyth
? I
- I mean, is there anything I can do
?"
He'd expected at least a smile - some sign of gratitude for his offer of
help.
Instead, to his dismay, Amanda's irritation only increased as she glared
at him, snapping her reply. "What I need, Jesse, is peace and quiet
and privacy
to get this finished so I can go home
!"
Seeing him flinch, noticing the raw pain in his eyes, both her expression
and her voice softened a little. "Look, Jesse, if you have a problem,
go to Mark
I just don't have the time right now
okay
?"
Not trusting himself to speak, Jesse simply nodded while backing timidly
back towards the door - pausing there to glance behind him, staring in shock
as this nightmare took another, brutal turn.
Snapping off her gloves to answer the phone, Amanda greeted her caller with
the same brusqueness - the scowl on her face instantly melting into the
delighted smile that Jesse had so much needed to see.
"Jack
! Oh, what a lovely surprise
! Well, pretty busy at
the moment, but
oh no, don't be silly
! I always have time to
talk to you, you know that
! So how's Denver
? And that lovely
skiing
!"
Settling into her chair for a good long chat, Amanda didn't notice her office
door quietly closing - or Jesse's ashen, stricken face staring in on her,
before he turned and walked slowly away
Come the next morning, three friends met as usual for breakfast -
each puzzled by an unusual absence.
"He's probably overslept, as usual
or else he's surfing
"
Steve mused, shrugging his shoulders - taking advantage of that person's
absent, notorious appetite to enjoy another helping of bacon.
"Still, at least that means there's some left for us
for once
!"
"Or maybe he's working out whatever was bothering him yesterday
"
Amanda said thoughtfully, not yet understanding the puzzlement on Mark's
face as she cast an apologetic smile towards him. "I'm sorry if I palmed
him off on you, Mark, but
well, with that RTA, I just didn't have
the time
" As Mark continued to frown, Amanda's smile faded slightly,
her conscience suddenly niggling at her. "He did come to you yesterday,
didn't he
? Only he was definitely upset about something
"
"No, honey, he didn't
in fact, I didn't even see him leave last
night
" Mark replied, still frowning.
Now this really was odd. It had become something of a tradition for them
to 'keep an eye' on Jesse. As Steve had wryly commented, 'that kid could
cause chaos and find trouble in an empty room.' He was an endearing boy,
though
someone that you just couldn't help but feel drawn to. And
Mark had felt genuinely touched that Jesse would always come to him for
some fatherly advice. Now he didn't know what bothered him more - the suggestion
that Jesse was in some sort of trouble, or the fact that his new protégé
hadn't come to him for help to get out of it.
Then again, he dryly reflected, young Jesse Travis had a stubborn, independent
streak a mile wide. No, Mark decided to himself, if Jesse had a problem,
he'd confide in him when he was ready. Until then he'd just keep a discreet
eye on the boy, so that whatever was troubling him didn't escalate.
As the morning progressed, however, so this seemingly easy task became more
and more difficult.
In contrast to the previous day, where he'd tagged eagerly at Mark's heels,
Jesse was oddly elusive.
Even the doctors' lounge, his most frequent haunt besides the trauma rooms,
yielded no sign of him.
On the few occasions where Mark did track him down, he remained quiet and
unsettlingly withdrawn, replying to Mark's concerned questions over whether
he was alright with a terse, mumbled "Fine
"
Amanda fared no better - her attempts to coax him into talking met with
the same sullen brusqueness.
By lunch-time, this complete change in Jesse's character was causing considerable
concern.
"He's around ten years too late for it to be his first teenage tantrum
"
Steve mused over his coffee - a wry glare towards his father persuading
Mark to keep his own son's trials of growing up to himself.
Pulling a face back at him, Mark then grew more serious as his thoughts
returned, inevitably, to Jesse. "Well, something's obviously upset
him
something he doesn't want to talk about
" he said at
last - relieved to see Steve and Amanda nodding agreement, to both the problem
and his suggested solution. "And since he clearly doesn't want to discuss
it with us
well, let's just leave him to it
"
Yet even as he settled back with his coffee, Mark frowned as he glanced
towards the lounge's door.
Damn, there it was again
! That unsettling feeling of being furtively
watched.
This time he did get up, crossing to the door to see if these pangs of paranoia
were justified.
The sight of Jesse hurrying around the corner offered him no answers. Just
more puzzling questions
Mark was still trying to find some of those answers as he, Steve and
Amanda returned to the lobby -
a familiar, totally unexpected voice pushing those concerns once more to
the back of his mind.
"Yo, guys
! Jack's back
!"
He certainly was. Dr Jack Stewart, Mark's former protégé,
stood grinning broadly back at them - feigning hurt as Mark, Amanda and
Steve all stared at him, stunned by his unexpected appearance.
"Hey, what's the matter
? Ain't you glad to see me
?"
First to recover her composure, Amanda broke into a delighted smile as she
rushed over to hug him - Mark and Steve following on behind, greeting their
long time friend with the same open affection.
"Of course we're glad to see you
not to mention surprised
!"
Amanda enthused, gently scolding.
"Why on earth didn't you tell me you were coming when you called me
yesterday
?"
Still hugging Jack, she didn't see the slight frown of realisation that
had appeared on Mark's face - that familiar expression which meant that
he'd started to guess what had upset Jesse the previous day. "Hey,
I wanted to surprise you
" Jack grinned, smirking now as he took
in their still stunned faces. "And I'd guess I've succeeded
!"
"You certainly have
" Steve chuckled - equally oblivious
to his father's oddly serious expression. "So what brings you back
to LA
? Want your old job back
? I'm sure dad wouldn't mind
"
"Well, now that you ask
why
? Is my replacement that bad
?"
Jack asked, still grinning.
"Well no, he's not so much bad as just kinda
well, eager
"
Steve replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Imagine a hyperactive puppy
wearing a white coat and stethoscope, and
well, you get Jesse
"
He'd meant it as a joke, of course - and it certainly provoked much laughter
from Jack and Amanda. Mark wasn't laughing, though
instead he just
smiled distractedly, his thoughts still with Jesse. He could only be grateful
that the boy hadn't been there to hear Steve's albeit light hearted jibe.
With the mood that Jesse was in at the moment, Mark doubted that he would
feel much like laughing.
Movement in the corner of his eye caused Mark to turn to see it fully, and
he winced in dismay - catching the briefest glimpse of Jesse's stricken
face before the elevator doors closed between them.
Fatherly loyalty to his son regardless, Mark couldn't let Jesse stew in
the hurt of Steve's teasing.
Excusing himself with the believable call of rounds, Mark hurried to the
elevator that Jesse had taken, taking another to follow his young friend
down to the basement car lot.
As the elevator doors opened, Mark hurried out and glanced round, searching
for that familiar car - another wince of dismay creasing his face as Jesse's
blue VW swerved alarmingly out into the street.
Groaning aloud, Mark then sighed and shook his head, taking the elevator
back to rejoin the others. He'd been planning to invite Jesse along to dinner
that evening, hoping to coax him into opening up.
Suddenly, though, that didn't seem such a good idea
For Jack's sake, Mark kept his concerns over Jesse to himself as they
regrouped later for dinner. It was, after all, meant to be a happy evening
together to celebrate Jack's visit.
Even so, he still couldn't forget the expression on Jesse's face as those
elevator doors had closed - the hurt betrayal in the boy's eyes, shadowed
by the inevitable simmering anger at that betrayal.
And while Amanda was too distracted by Jack to notice it, his pensive quietness
wasn't lost on Steve.
"Everything okay, dad
?" he asked, glancing quizzically at
his father as they made some fresh coffee. "You've been real quiet
all night
mind you, Amanda's done enough chatting for all three of
us
!"
"To be honest, son, I've been thinking about Jesse
" Mark
admitted quietly, turning to face his son - careful not to make his next
words sound too reproachful as he turned to face his son and smiled. "He
overheard what you said about him in the lobby
you know, comparing
him to a puppy
? I know you meant it as a joke, son, but
well,
I think he's already upset over Jack coming down
I guess he feels
well, a little left out
maybe even jealous
after all, Jack was
here a long time
and he knows how popular and respected Jack was, so
he knows how tough it'll be to replace him
" Pausing to check
on the coffee, Mark then sighed and shook his head, clearly exasperated.
"Mind you, unless his attitude improves soon, even I'm going to start
losing patience with him
!"
Clearly surprised by his father's words, Steve then nodded, although he
didn't offer any reply.
Instead he turned back to rinsing his coffee mug, Jesse's treatment of his
father niggling at his mind
Mark had hoped that a quiet night mulling things over would lessen
some of Jesse's resentful anger - enabling him to talk to his young friend
the next morning, to try and find out what was wrong.
Again, though, as with the previous morning, Jesse Travis clearly did not
want to be found.
And with Mark tied up with his teaching classes, there was little chance
for that quietly discreet chat.
Finally, though, the inevitable had to happen.
As Mark entered the main lobby, the subject of his thoughts emerged from
the treatment room,
too engrossed in writing up his latest notes to notice the very person he
did not want to see.
And after another morning of successfully avoiding him, this time Jesse
Travis had nowhere to hide.
By the time he looked up and saw Mark approaching him across the lobby,
it was too late.
Their eyes met - and in just those few moments, Mark realised that his earlier
hopes were fruitless.
Far from lessening, Jesse's resentment towards them had, if anything, grown
even deeper.
Instead of its familiar bright and breezy grin, Jesse's face held an uncharacteristic,
glowering scowl - the normally friendly blue eyes darkened now, with a depth
of anger that hardened them into cobalt.
Mark felt himself wince. There was one hell of a rift growing between himself
and his young protégé.
A rift which, as Mark now worriedly reflected, he simply didn't know how
to heal.
Hating discord of any kind, Mark offered him a reassuring smile while attempting
to pat his shoulder - his eyes widening in startled surprise as Jesse shoved
his hand away, his eyes now livid with fury.
"Get away from me, Dr Sloan
you hear me
? J - Just leave
me alone
!" Jesse snarled,
bitterness and resentment radiating from him as he slammed his casenotes
down onto the nurses' desk.
Before Mark could recover enough to reply, Jesse snatched up his latest
file and strode away again - a final, seething glare over his shoulder defying
Mark to follow him.
Still totally thrown by Jesse's behaviour, Mark stood in the lobby, now
more worried than ever.
He'd found Jesse Travis to be one of the friendliest, most level headed
young doctors he'd ever met. And with his gentle, cheery nature, he'd become
a firm favourite with both patients and nurses alike - the same nurses who
now stared across at Mark, sharing his shock at Jesse's extraordinary outburst.
Now, though
well, Mark simply didn't know what to make of this sullen,
irrational behaviour.
Of course, he'd seen many new interns burn out under the stress and pressure
of the job, but
well, he'd never imagined that Jesse Travis would be one of them.
Was he pushing the boy too hard
? Trying to develop those extraordinary
skills of his too quickly
? Had he gone to Amanda for help, but found
himself turned away instead because of Jack Stewart
? That at least
might explain part of this increasingly worrying puzzle - why Jesse was
so angry.
As a still shaken Mark returned to his office, the pieces of that
puzzle were starting to fall into place - forming a sadly familiar, worrying
picture which Mark could only pray was wrong
Inevitably, Community General's grapevine was soon buzzing with news of
this astonishing bust up.
After hearing how his father had been treated, Steve was understandably
livid with the young doctor. And while Mark may have felt some understanding
towards Jesse, the same couldn't be said for Steve. So when Steve saw Jesse
alone in the doctors' lounge, slumped on the couch, the result was inevitable.
Striding across to him, Steve grabbed hold of his arm, roughly pulling the
startled Jesse to his feet. "Damn it, Jesse, what the hell's the matter
with you, treating my father like that
?" he demanded, the fury
in his eyes in stark contrast to the fear in Jesse's as he tried in vain
to escape Steve's grip. "Is this what this attitude of yours is about
?
You're ticked off at my father because of Jack
? Because if it is
well, I think that's pretty pathetic
! You're twenty four years old,
Jesse, not five
! An adult, for God's sake, not some petulant kid
!
So just grow up, okay
? Damn well grow up
! You want to be treated
like an adult
? You want us to like you
? Respect you, like we
do Jack
? Then just grow up
! Start acting like an adult, and
maybe we'll start treating you like one
! And if you ever treat my
father like that again, Travis, then so help me
!!"
Dangerously close to that threat, Steve then released Jesse and shoved him
back down onto the couch, casting the wide eyed, visibly shaken young doctor
a final furious glare before striding away from him.
Struggling to catch his breath, Jesse then staggered to his feet, stumbling
into the adjoining restroom - barely making it into the cubicle before he
was violently, and lengthily, sick
Two hours later, Jesse Travis had to face a threatening temper of
a different, utterly massive kind.
An injured biker, six foot eight inches of drunken gristle and muscle, had
been admitted from an RTA.
And in his inebriated state, he'd convinced himself that trainee nurse Meg
White was his biker-mate.
"Aww, c'mon, hon
j - just a little widdle kiss
?" he
slurred, puckering his lips at the terrified girl. "C'mon, sweetcheeks
!
Ya know ya wanna
!"
Although no taller than the visibly flustered nurse beside him, Jesse now
stepped to her rescue.
Still smarting from his altercation with Steve, he was determined to regain
some of his self respect - prompting him to do something which was both
incredibly brave and dangerously reckless. "Hey, c'mon, take it easy
"
he said amiably, placing himself between Meg and her leering admirer. "Leave
our nurses alone, and let me take a look at this head wound, okay
?"
"What's it to you, runt
?" the biker growled, sneering down
at the tiny young doctor before him. "You got the hots for her, or
somethin'
?"
Reining in an already fragile temper, Jesse forced the smile back onto his
face and shook his head - stubbornly keeping his ground, shielding Meg behind
him as the biker tried again to grope her. It was one hell of a show of
gallantry - but that gallantry was to come at one hell of a price.
Already formidable strength fuelled further by drink, the enraged biker
grabbed Jesse by the throat, strangling his cries of protests as he lifted
the young doctor several clear feet off the ground. Smirking at the helpless,
terrified Jesse through a sneer of utter disdain, he then lifted him higher
- shaking him, toying with him, tightening his stranglehold until the frantically
wriggling body fell limp. Hoisting him above his head, the biker then threw
Jesse with brutal force across the nurses' station, leering with sadistic
glee as the young doctor went crashing into the side of the main reception
desk - his entire body contorting from this massive impact while he cartwheeled
down the desk's other side, a chair partly breaking his fall before he finally
landed in a sprawled, motionless heap on the floor.
For several, stunned seconds no one moved - least of all the crumpled, battered
form of Jesse Travis.
Then all hell broke loose - several newly arrived security guards wrestled
the biker to the ground, while a small army of doctors and nurses, including
Meg, rushed to tend to Jesse.
Unsurprisingly, Jesse still lay where he'd fallen, sprawled across the chair
which had broken his fall. He'd landed on his right side, which had also
taken much of the initial impact against the desk A spreading pool of blood
seeped out from under his head, while his right arm lay bent beneath him
- its bloodied, distorted hand causing head nurse Kate Palmer to curse as
Meg recoiled in horror. She knew there was only one kind of injury that
could leave a hand positioned as unnaturally as that.
On top of already horrendous injuries, Jesse Travis' right wrist had suffered
a devastating fracture - an injury which, she knew, could have equally devastating
consequences for the young intern's career. If the blood supply to his hand
was cut off for any great length of time, he'd lose the use of it - an event
which, given his hopes of making trauma surgery his specialty
So it was with immeasurable care that Jesse, his neck and arm now immobilised
in protective splints, was now gently lifted onto a gurney and, flanked
by several doctors, rushed to an already alerted OR.
Mark was in the doctors' lounge, taking a break with Steve and Amanda,
when the call came in,
his pager shrilling urgently for his attention.
Reading its message, his eyes widened in shock, his face ashen as he met
two pairs of anxious eyes. "Jesse's been attacked by a patient
he - he's badly hurt
" he finally explained, clearly shaken -
already running out of the lounge, the others following close at his heels.
Guided by more paged details, they headed immediately for the theatre viewing
gallery for OR3 - all three staring down in horrified dismay at the scenes
of urgent activity below.
Jesse was already prepped for surgery - a tiny, vulnerable figure beneath
a mass of sterile sheeting. Now, as the anaesthesiologist began to put him
mercifully under, Jesse's eyes flickered briefly open - trying to focus
on three distant, blurry figures watching him from the gallery above.
The full effect of the anaesthetic then mercifully hit his system and Jesse's
eyes drifted closed again - memories of how deeply and devastatingly those
three people had hurt him locking deep into his mind.
Then everything inside that mind went very very cold
and very very
black
The voices sounded odd, as though they were calling him from the end
of a very long tunnel.
Disjointed voices, urgently calling him
calling his name
calling
him over and over again.
They were familiar voices too, ones that Jesse felt he should know
ones he should try and answer
Something in his throat, though, something painfully uncomfortable, made
it impossible to do so.
Damn it, he couldn't even breathe, because of this wretched thing in his
throat
!
He could do nothing about it, though, except to struggle against the hands
that gently restrained him, whimpering in protest against the revolting
device which remained lodged deeply into his throat.
Then a strange, irresistible heaviness came over him and Jesse drifted back
into a refuge of darkness, to a place safely away from those persistent
voices and the torture they seemed to be inflicting on him.
When that darkness eventually lifted again, that torture seemed to have
thankfully eased a little. It, whatever it was, remained firmly lodged in
his throat, but at least it didn't hurt quite so much now. It was uncomfortable,
for sure, not to mention damn annoying
and, it seemed, it was there
to stay.
One of those strange, distorted voices was still there too - still calling
him, more gently this time.
"Jesse
? Easy now, son, everything's going to be alright now
just rest easy, Jess, it's all over
"
Son
? Had that voice just called him son
? Then it had to be his
father calling him
!
Except
no
no, this voice was deeper, gentler
not as clinical
as that of his estranged parent. To Jesse's frustration, though, the voice
was already growing fainter again, fading into the distance - yielding,
as Jesse now reluctantly did once more, to that crushing, unstoppable wave
of blackness.
Sitting at Jesse's bedside, Mark released a long held breath, rubbing
a weary hand over his eyes. Then he glanced up to meet his son's equally
tired eyes with an equally frustrated shake of his head. "I'm sorry,
son, I really thought he'd made it that time
damn, he was so close
!"
he said at last, glancing sadly to where Jesse Travis lay deeply comatose
once more, fighting desperately for his life.
Steve just nodded - trying his best, despite his own worry, to offer his
father a reassuring smile.
"He'll make it, dad
" he said quietly, turning back to gently
squeeze Jesse's cold, lifeless hand.
"He's going to come through this thing, dad
he just has to come
through this
"
Jeez, these voices were persistent
! Every time he woke up, there
they were, still calling his name.
They seemed more familiar to him now
more normal too, not quite so
disjointed.
It was gone too, finally
enabling him to breathe freely, if rather
painfully, on his own again.
His throat was still achingly sore though, grazed raw from whatever had
been lodged so deeply into it.
But at least the damn thing was gone now, allowing him to try and respond
to those mysterious voices.
Easier said than done, though, as the only sound to come out of his mouth
was a hoarse, feeble croak.
It was too painful for him to try again, so instead Jesse tried to open
strangely uncooperative eyes.
Eventually succeeding, he then tried to focus them on three hazy faces that
hovered beside him, struggling through a fog of crushing tiredness to recognize
who those faces were.
When that recognition finally came, it was all Jesse could do not to scream
in frustration.
Damn it, why couldn't they just leave him the hell alone
?
Mark Sloan was talking to him now, smiling that rattlesnake smile as he
leaned in closer.
"Jess
? Jesse, can you hear me
? It's me, it's Mark
easy now, Jess, you're going to be alright
"
He'd been at Jesse's bedside, on and off, for over twenty hours now, trying
to get the boy to respond.
That response, when it finally came, was one he'd half expected
and
wholly dreaded.
The sedatives had tempered it a little, but that same distrustful resentment
was still in Jesse's eyes. Those long hours spent watching and waiting for
Jesse to wake up had, it seemed, been utterly wasted.
"Jess
?" he asked softly, making one last, desperate attempt
to find a way through that resentment, to the gentle and compassionate young
doctor who'd come to mean so much to him.
But no. The normally warm blue eyes remained glacially cold as Jesse turned
his head away from him, staring at the opposite wall in a simple yet highly
effective display of defiance.
The message was painfully clear to all of them, and it was one they now
equally sadly obeyed -
each casting Jesse a glance of frustrated disappointment before quietly
leaving his room.
Jesse's next awareness was a shaft of sunlight striking his eyes through
the window of his room, rousing him from what had been a restless, fitful
sleep.
Instinctively he tried to shift himself away, trying to raise his right
arm to shield and protect his eyes - screaming in startled shock at the
brutal, unbearable pain which seemed to explode along its length.
His cry was loud enough to be heard in the corridor outside, bringing Mark
running to his side. Through a red mist of pure agony, he could feel himself
being carefully coaxed into someone's arms, held cradled there in comforting
gentleness while Mark tried to calm and comfort him.
"Easy now, Jess
it's alright, I've got you
just try to
ride it out, son, that's it, try to relax now
imagine that you're
out on your surfboard and just ride it out
that's it, son, you're
alright now
"
In too much pain to argue, Jesse did as told, allowing Mark to gently hold
and comfort him -
gritting his teeth against each swell of agony until at last, that tidal
wave of pain began to subside.
Still sobbing with pain, Jesse then slumped back into Mark's arms, his entire
body shaking.
A stray tear leaked out from under still tightly closed eyes, dribbling
wetly down the side of his face.
Dear God, he'd never experienced pain like that
not even when his
appendix had ruptured.
What the hell had happened to him
?
Something cool and soothingly wet came to rest across his forehead, followed
by Mark's gentle voice. "Easy, Jess
easy now, just try to lie
still
Amanda, there's some chipped ice in that jug up there
can you get some for me
? And close that window blind too, please,
while you're there
"
A few seconds later a spoon pressed against his mouth, gently coaxing him
to swallow its contents. Two shivery spoonfuls later, Jesse felt strong
enough to gingerly open his eyes, squinting around him.
The still concerned faces of Mark Sloan and Amanda Livingston smiled gently
back at him -
those smiles widening into grins of outright relief as Jesse managed a weak
nod of acknowledgement.
There was still no smile, though, or even words of gratitude for their comfort
but it was a start.
With the ice finally thawing, if not entirely broken, Amanda then reached
to gently take Jesse's hand - trading another hopeful smile with Mark as
Jesse lay quietly, offering no resistance to her comfort.
His eyes were still wary, but confused now rather than angry as Jesse glanced
curiously around him - those eyes widening slightly at finding himself lying
in a hospital bed, his body swathed in bandages.
Whatever he'd done to land himself in this latest mess, he'd clearly made
one hell of a job
But it was, inevitably, his still heavily bandaged right arm which caused
him the most fright.
Seeing this, feeling Jesse stir restlessly against his arms, Mark gently
hugged him to settle him down - meeting Jesse's curious but thankfully resentment-free
stare with a reassuring, calming smile.
"I know it looks pretty awful, Jess
you suffered multiple fractures
through your wrist and forearm, and a minor nick to your right lung from
a broken rib
but it's okay, you're going to be just fine
"
He'd spoken so gently, and so kindly, that Jesse frowned - not sure what
to make of this turnaround. He wanted so much to trust these people
these friends who'd become more like family to him. They seemed to genuinely
care about him, even
well, yes, even seemed to love him too, as family.
They'd hurt him so deeply, though
taken that dream which meant so
much to him and shattered it - breaking it as cruelly as that arm, resting
in a mass of gauze and bandage on a pillow beside him. And so that sense
of mistrustful resentment continued to niggle at a still traumatised, vulnerable
mind. Memories of how he'd suffered such a horrendous injury were starting
to come back to him too now, causing him to wince, shifting restlessly once
more against Mark's cradling arm.
"Easy, Jess
it's alright, the brute that did this to you is safely
behind bars
" Mark soothed him, frowning slightly as he followed
the boy's suddenly frightened eyes towards the doorway of his room. Why
was Jesse was now staring up at his son like a deer caught up in a car's
headlights
? And why was Steve looking back at him like that, with
the same expression of deep unease
? Something had clearly happened
between them - something that Jesse was in no state yet to face. Motioning
for Steve to stay put, Mark then gently patted Jesse's shoulder, regaining
his attention. "Well now, Jesse, we'd better let you get some rest
we'll
come and check in on you later, okay
?"
Giving his shoulder a final, comforting pat, Mark then rose to his feet
and rejoined the others -
Jesse's curious, utterly confused blue eyes following them out as they left
his room.
The following morning, Mark was hoping that he could continue the
slow thaw from the previous day. After a long chat with Steve, he now knew
why Jesse had looked so shaken when he'd seen him. Amanda had come clean
too, guilt stricken now for not talking to Jesse when he'd so clearly needed
to. Now it was time to clear the air. Time for some gentle, family fence-mending.
The initial signs were encouraging - to Mark's surprise, Jesse was already
awake when they arrived, a faint but still very welcome smile greeting him
as Mark came to sit beside his bed.
Not surprisingly, he remained wary of Steve, who kept a tactful unthreatening
distance by the window. Amanda, though, was granted another weak smile
and a gentle kiss of apology on his forehead - one which brought a flush
of welcome colour into still pale and drawn cheeks.
"Well now, Jess, how are you feeling
?" Mark asked at last,
still smiling at the boy's embarrassment. "You're certainly looking
a lot better than you did three days ago
!"
That won him a wide eyed stare of open surprise as Jesse realised just how
badly injured he'd been.
"Th - Three days
?" he finally stammered, in such alarm that
Mark hastened to reassure him.
"You've been under sedation for much of that time, Jess
giving
that arm a chance to set and heal
and with that lung to remember too,
we needed to keep you still to
well, avoid complications
"
Pausing for a moment, trying to gauge the boy's mood, Mark then smiled and
added gently,
"We were still with you, Jess
even though you knew nothing about
it, we were here
all of us
"
He'd placed just the slightest emphasis on it, but that single, gently stressed
word seemed to work.
Jesse lay quietly considering that word for several moments while glancing
occasionally up at Steve - seeing for the first time how tired he looked
from what had clearly been an anxious three days. In fact they all looked
tired, Jesse mused, casting a suddenly guilty glance around him.
There was still a trace of uncertainty to it, but Jesse finally offered
Steve a tentative, hesitant smile - one which was very happily, and broadly
returned as Steve now came to stand at his bedside,
giving Jesse's hair a gentle, brotherly ruffle while leaning in closer to
offer a soft, heartfelt apology.
"I'm sorry, Jess
blowing up at you like that was inexcusable
I won't do it again, Jess, I promise
" A weary nod and even wearier
smile forgave an openly relieved Steve Sloan for that indiscretion. But
another now stole in to take its place - one made all the more devastating
by what Steve said next. "There's just one thing puzzling me, Jesse
I mean, showing some chivalry is all well and good, but
well, I saw
this guy myself in the holding cells, and even I would have needed back
up to tackle him
! My God, Jess, you could have been killed
!
Why on earth did you take him on alone like that
? Why didn't you wait
for security to arrive
? They're trained to handle stuff like that,
not you
!"
He'd meant it as gentle teasing - and it was something which Mark and Amanda
clearly agreed with. But in Jesse's still fragile, vulnerable mind, it was
yet another rebuke. Yet more criticism against him. More proof that these
three people, people he loved and needed so much, simply could not be trusted.
Dear God, they'd not even noticed how much Steve's teasing had upset him
!
"I rather think Jesse's learned that the hard way
" Mark
agreed in the same gently rebuking tone - his smile fading slightly as the
rueful reply he'd expected to hear failed to arrive.
Instead Jesse had closed his eyes, clenching them shut against the frustrated
tears welling beneath.
Assuming this sudden silence to be from lingering tiredness, Mark patted
a tense, tightly balled hand. "You look tired, Jess
we'll be back
later, so you just get some rest now, okay
?" he said gently -
frowning slightly, but thinking no more of it, when Jesse simply nodded
in reply.
Closing the door quietly behind them, Mark, Steve and Amanda then headed
for the doctors' lounge - none of them hearing the muffled sound of piteous
crying which they'd left behind
Steve Sloan woke with a start, groggily wondering what was making that
peculiar, pitiful noise.
His eyes then widened, staring in puzzled surprise as he stared down into
Jesse's pale, lifeless face.
Tears were streaming out from the sides of still tightly closed eyes, trickling
onto the pillows below, while Jesse's left hand had suddenly closed around
his, clenching itself in an unexpectedly fierce grip.
They were the first signs of life he'd seen in six days - prompting Steve's
equally lively, excited shout. "Dad
! Amanda
! You'd better
get in here
! I - I think he's finally coming out of it
!"
They'd left him earlier that day, completely unaware that anything
was wrong.
All that changed, however, when Mark and Steve returned to Jesse's room
later that evening.
He'd been sleeping when they'd last checked in on him, his face buried into
a tightly hugged pillow.
Now, though, his bed was empty, its sheets still tumbled. But Jesse was
nowhere to be found
Leaving room 218 far more hurriedly than he'd entered it, Mark rushed over
to the nurses' station - confused concern for his young friend lending an
edge to his voice that gained immediate attention.
"Where's Dr Travis
? He's not in his room, and he's meant to be
resting
!!"
"I'm sorry, Dr Sloan, but Dr Travis discharged himself two hours ago
"
one of the nurses replied, glancing round at her colleagues before offering
the dumbfounded Mark an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Dr Sloan, but
well, I assumed that you knew
!"
"Well, as you can guess, nurse, I didn't
!" Mark snapped,
glaring from one puzzled nurse to another. "If I had, I would have
refused to discharge him
! My God, he's just had major surgery
!
He's barely fit enough to get out of bed, let alone be discharged
!
Why didn't you stop him
? Or at least page me so that I could come
up here and find out what was wrong with him
?"
"We did try to stop him, Dr Sloan
" the nurse replied, rattled
herself now by Mark's sharp tone. "And we wanted to page you, but Dr
Travis assured us that you knew what he was doing
besides he was determined
to leave
and since it was his decision, there was nothing we could
do
" Before Mark could reply, or object, she passed across a small
envelope, scrawlingly addressed to him."He asked us to give you this,
though
he said you'd understand
"
With Steve hovering at his shoulder, Mark ripped the envelope open and anxiously
read its contents.
The note was short, untidily scrawled in Jesse's unnatural left handed writing.
But its message was simple. Clear. And devastating
Sorry to have been such a burden
tell Jack his old job's here if
he wants it
goodbye
Jesse
"Oh my God
no
!" Mark whispered, in horrified realisation
of what those words meant.
At best, they meant that Jesse had run away, unable to face whatever had
been troubling him before.
At worst
Equally horrified, Steve was already running for the nearest elevator, his
father close on his heels
Both of them had keys to Jesse's apartment, of course, so that they
could get into it in an emergency.
Finding it locked from the inside, with the key still in the lock, and with
no response from inside,
Steve had no choice but to vehemently kick down Jesse's door, hurriedly
following his father inside.
The scene within was every bit as shocking as they'd feared. Every bit as
unthinkable
In a room eerily dimmed from drawn curtains, Jesse Travis lay slumped unconscious
across his couch. At first, he looked merely to be sleeping - the youthful
face smooth and untroubled, utterly peaceful. But the emptied bottle of
painkillers beside him told a wholly different, horrifying story.
At just twenty four years old, with his whole life ahead of him, Jesse Travis
was committing suicide
Whatever had triggered this unthinkable act now flew to the back of Mark's
mind as he ran forward - kneeling at Jesse's side, praying that he'd find
a pulse while Steve dialled shakily for an ambulance.
It was there - nothing more than a faint flutter against his fingers, but
Jesse's pulse was still there.
His breathing, though, already laboured from broken ribs and that injured
lung, was starting to falter.
Jesse's chest was jerking now, heaving with effort to breathe
then
it stopped moving completely.
"Oh God, Jesse, no
!" Mark pleaded, pulling his young friend
down onto the hard, unyielding floor.
As a horrified Steve watched helplessly on, Mark cleared Jesse's mouth and
covered it with his own - an expression of utter panic spreading across
his face as that feathery pulse also fell still.
"No
no, Jess, you can't do this
!" he whispered, vehemently
shaking his head as he began CPR - his voice growing stronger, almost angry
while he kept frantically trying to revive his young friend.
"Jesse, you have your whole life ahead of you
! You can't let
it end before it's even started
!
Damn it, son, I won't let you die like this, you hear me
? Now starting
fighting, Jesse
! Come on
! For God's sake, Jesse, start fighting
!
You have to come through this, you hear me
! Come on
! Damn it,
Jesse, wake up
!! Come back to us, Jess, please
!! Jesse
?
Jess
??!!?! Jesse
!!!!"
"Jesse
? Come on now, son, you've got to wake up
! Jesse,
it's Mark
can you hear me
? Jess, if you can hear me, just squeeze
my hand
come on now, Jess, squeeze my hand
!"
Go to hell
Jesse thought bitterly, still trapped in the nightmare
of his delirious subconscious.
Damn it, why the hell couldn't you have just left me alone
? Why couldn't
you just let me die
? I mean, it's not like you ever cared about me
it's not like you ever really cared
But it was not to be. Somehow they'd managed to revive him, wrenching him
from his sanctuary.
And however hard Jesse fought, however determined he was to return to that
carefree world,
Mark Sloan was fighting even harder, even more determined to make sure that
he didn't.
"Keep that pure oxygen coming
now that the antivenin's taken
effect, it'll help him come round
start another unit of serum
and keep the defibrillator standing by, just in case he crashes again
we thought we'd brought him safely back the last time
"
Antivenin
? Why the hell have they given me antivenin to counteract
an overdose
?
The oxygen was starting to hit his system now, dispersing that choking shroud
of grogginess.
Jesse could feel the intubation tube again, lodged uncomfortably securely
into his throat -
ensuring that nothing stopped that precious flow of oxygen from reaching
his lungs.
He'd intubated other patients, of course, but now he was on the receiving
end of that unyielding tube.
And Jesse Travis was rapidly deciding that he didn't like being intubated
"Whoa, Jesse
! Easy now, lie still
!" Mark urged, trying
to restrain his feebly struggling patient. "No, Jesse, you need to
lie still
! It's alright, you're safe now
but you must lie still
!!"
Okay, Mark, you want me to lie still
? Then get this damn tube out
of my throat
!
Somehow those subconscious prayers were answered as Jesse heard the familiar
clicks of switches, the steady whoosh of oxygen gradually lessening then
dying completely as the ventilator shut down.
It took a few moments for his lungs to adjust, but eventually Jesse managed
a shaky, spluttering gasp - coughing instinctively against the tube which
remained chokingly lodged in his windpipe.
Then Mark's voice spoke again, soothingly guiding him as Jesse struggled
again to breathe normally. "Okay now, Jess, you know the drill
a really good deep breath now, and cough
! That's it
! Attaboy,
Jess, keep going
keep it going, you're nearly there
that's it,
Jess, it's clear now
rest easy now, Jesse, we're just going to put
you back on oxygen through this mask, okay
? That's it, son, just rest
easy for me now, it's alright
easy now, Jess, it's okay
it's
all over
"
Still coughing and spluttering, Jesse slumped back into solid, comforting
warmth behind him -
vaguely aware of soft, comforting fingers brushing gently across his forehead,
stroking back his hair.
Then the owner of those fingers spoke softly to him, her tone just as
gentle
just as soothing.
"Jesse
? Jesse, honey, it's me
it's Amanda
it's alright
now, Jesse, you're going to be alright
I know you've been somewhere
so dark and frightening and lonely, honey, but you're safe now
you'll
see that for yourself, if you just open your eyes and wake up
please,
Jesse, please wake up
"
She'd hurt him too, of course. In the nightmare of a delirious mind, they'd
both cruelly betrayed him. And Jesse was still trapped in that nightmare,
still too seriously ill to separate it from reality.
So in spite of all their pleas and entreaties to rouse him, Jesse's eyes
remained firmly closed -
genuine exhaustion taking him away from them once more
back into a
deep, dreamless sleep.
Watching him settle, Steve then glanced up at his father, unable to hide
his frustrated disappointment.
"He's still extremely weak, Steve
" Mark said at last, smiling
gently up at his pale, haggard son.
"Even though he's now out of the coma, his system's been through a
hell of a lot these last few days
Jesse needs to sleep now, to give
that system a chance to recover, to get some of his strength back
hopefully by the time he wakes up again, he'll be strong enough to respond
to us
"
From where he sat behind Jesse's shoulder, gently supporting his young friend,
Steve nodded wearily. Ever since this nightmare had started, six days ago,
he'd barely moved from Jesse's bedside. Six days of anxious watching and
waiting for his friend to waken from this long, death-like coma - watching
him struggle through two terrifying crashes to fight off that snakebite's
deadly poison.
Now, at long last, his friend was starting to recover, yet Steve couldn't
help but feel disappointed. All those long and anxious hours, waiting for
this moment - yet Jesse didn't even know he was there.
His father's voice, a gentle pat on his shoulder, then roused Steve from
still deeply worried thoughts.
"Come on now, son, you really need to get some rest now
don't
worry, he's over the worst of it
come on now, you're exhausted
if you don't get some rest soon, you'll be in the bed next to him
!"
That won him a wryly tired smile as Steve nodded while gently settling Jesse
back into his pillows - giving his sleeping friend's hair a final, gentle
ruffle before rising to his feet, stretching as he did so. The thought of
a long hot shower and some much needed sleep was one that he heartily welcomed.
Casting Jesse a final, protective glance, he then followed Mark and Amanda
out of the ICU -
happier in the knowledge that Jesse's recovery from this nightmarish ordeal
was finally under way.
When Jesse woke the next morning, however, Steve and his father received
the shock of their lives.
They'd expected him to be disoriented - after all, he'd spent the last six
days deeply unconscious.
And he'd been feverishly restless as he'd come round, as if in the grip
of a terrifying nightmare.
But they could never have expected to see the bitterness, or the fury, which
they saw in Jesse's eyes.
Far from being relieved and grateful, Jesse's reaction towards them was
one of startling hostility.
"Damn it, why can't you just leave me the hell alone
?" he
demanded, his voice shaking with anger. "Why couldn't you just let
me die
! Damn it, I wanted to die
! Why the hell didn't you let
me
?"
With Steve too shaken to do so, it was left to an equally stunned Mark
to try and calm Jesse down. "Jess, you know I couldn't do that
!
I couldn't let you die
not when I care so much about you
!"
Far from calming him down, though, Mark's words only made that inexplicable
anger worse.
"Damn it, Mark, don't patronise me
! Stop lying to me
! You
- You don't care about me
!
All this kind and caring stuff is a crock, you don't care about me
!
You've never cared about me
!"
Mark was getting really worried now - and not just from Jesse's increasingly
irrational behaviour.
The boy was still dangerously weak, trying to draw on strength that he didn't
even have -
as the increasingly erratic beeps from the heart monitor worryingly indicated.
If he didn't calm down, and quickly, he'd be risking a serious relapse
and if that happened
"Jesse, that isn't true
I do care about you
I care about
you very much
" Mark said at last,
trying again to settle his young friend while placing a gently restraining
hand on Jesse's right arm -
only to step back, shocked, as Jesse screamed, writhing against him in apparent
yet inexplicable agony.
"M - My arm
! Oh God, my arm
!" Jesse whimpered, still
twisting in subconscious anguish - clutching the shattered hand which, in
his fevered mind, now erupted in unbearable agony.
"My God, dad, what's wrong with him
?" Steve asked, openly
shaken as he stared at his father. "Jess was bitten in the leg, not
his arm
!"
"I know, Steve
but I don't think this has anything to do with
the snake bite
" Mark replied,
offering his son a slight, reassuring smile as he gently fitted an oxygen
mask over Jesse's face -
keeping it held there until Jesse stopped struggling and collapsed, still
whimpering, into his pillows. "Remember how restless Jesse was as he
came round
? That crying you saw earlier yesterday
? I think Jess
was having a severe nightmare
one where, somehow, he's badly injured
his arm
and in that hallucination, for some reason we've hurt him
too
so much that he doesn't trust us
he's still so disoriented
and traumatised, Jess thinks he's actually living that nightmare for real
hopefully this oxygen will help bring him out of it
"
As Steve nodded in still shaken understanding, Mark then turned his attention
back to Jesse -
feeling much of his own concern ease at seeing some welcome colour return
to that deathly pale face.
He was still clearly distressed, though, in spite of Mark's hand soothingly
stroking his forehead -
and it was several anxious minutes before his eyes, still stricken with
anguish, flickered open.
In reality, Mark had simply been trying to calm him, protecting him from
a potentially deadly relapse.
But in the nightmare of Jesse's imagination, his once trusted mentor had
turned brutally against him - prompting a weak but heartfelt gasp of furious,
bitter hatred.
"Y - You bastard
!"
Although visibly shaken by this outburst, Mark's rising concerns were still
very much with Jesse.
The heart monitor was now going haywire as his young friend grew more and
more agitated.
Whatever Jesse thought of him, for whatever reason, he had to calm the boy
down, otherwise
Jesse was still glaring furiously up at him, still clutching the arm he
was convinced was injured -
and this now gave Mark an idea, some hope to find a way to bring his young
friend back to reality.
"Jess
Jesse, please
please listen to me
" he
said at last, doing his best to keep his voice calm. "I'm not trying
to hurt you
please believe me, Jess, I'm not trying to hurt you
I never could
Jesse, you've been hallucinating
you've been having
a nightmare, one where you've been hurt
and that nightmare was clearly
one where we hurt you too, very badly
but it's over now, Jesse
you're okay now
and whatever I said, or did to hurt you in that nightmare,
never really happened
" As Jesse remained seethingly unconvinced,
Mark took a deep breath while nodding towards his arm. "Jess, if you
don't believe me, look at your arm
go on, look at it
! See
?
It's perfectly alright
!"
Jesse continued to glare up at him, but eventually something compelled him
to do as he was told - whatever outburst he'd planned to say next becoming
lost in a puzzled, bewildered silence.
All the bandaging was gone
instead of being shrouded in gauze and
stitches, his arm was
normal.
Even when he gingerly prodded it, trying to find the injuries he was still
convinced would be there, all he found instead was a slight graze to his
elbow
surrounded by soft, smooth, unblemished skin.
As Jesse gave his arm another cautious prod, Mark cast his still anxious,
puzzled son a relieved smile -motioning for him to keep quiet while their
young friend continued this slow return to reality.
Something else was puzzling Jesse now - his arm wasn't hurting, but his
right leg certainly was
!
Thanks to the oxygen that was slowly clearing his mind, it was starting
to come back to him now - a real life nightmare every bit as terrifying
as the mental torment he'd just experienced.
Glancing once more at that graze on his elbow, Jesse then frowned as memory
continued to return. Fragmented images of hiking along a mountain path with
Steve, laughingly urging him to catch up. Of ground giving way beneath his
foot, grazing pain along his elbow as he'd tumbled downwards
a strange
rattling sound next to him as he'd finally landed, dazed and winded, on
a narrow ledge
Steve's anxious, urgent voice yelling at him from above
yelling for him to lie perfectly still
more, louder rattling next to
his ankle
and finally the horror of white fangs striking his leg
"Oh - Oh God
!! Sn - snake
!" Jesse gasped, struggling
once more but in pure panic this time - seemingly thinking the rattler was
in the bed with him as he kicked frantically at the bedclothes.
"Whoa, easy now, Jess
! Easy now, it's alright
" Mark
soothed him, gently restraining him - holding him, calming him down until
the rapidly beeping monitor thankfully settled down again.
"It's alright, Jess, the snake's gone now
it's alright, you're
safe now
easy now, it's okay
"
After several anxious moments, Jesse thankfully calmed down, slumping back
into his pillows -
what little strength he'd had now utterly spent from those struggles and
his earlier irrational outburst.
Eventually his eyes flickered open again, dull and glazed from pain and
a now crushing tiredness.
But to Mark and Steve's open relief, there was now a trace of lucidity there
amid the exhaustion - recognition, at last, that the nightmares and terrors
of his mind really were over.
Memories of that nightmare still remained, though
so did memories
of that last, furious outburst - causing Jesse to wince in shamed dismay,
his expression totally mortified as he stared up at Mark.
"Oh God, Mark, I - I'm sorry
! What I called you back then, and
and
everything I said, and
"
To his astonishment, Mark was actually smiling at him, comfortingly squeezing
his hand.
"Jess, you've been seriously ill
in a coma from that snake bite
for over six days
" Mark said at last, giving his young friend
another gentle, reassuring hug as Jesse's eyes widened in frightened alarm.
"You've had a hell of a rough time coming out of it, maybe even had
a reaction against the antivenin
that might well explain the nightmares,
and the delirium you've had since you came round
so whatever you said
to me earlier
however you acted
well, you can blame that on
the meds
"
Those meds were clearly catching up with him now as Jesse continued to stare
awkwardly up at him. "S - So you - you don't hate me
?" he
finally whispered, barely able now to keep his eyes open - those eyes now
turning to stare up at Steve, squinting up at his friend through a thickening
darkness. "You - You're not mad at me for yelling at your dad
?
You're - You're still my friend
?"
At any other time, Steve might have laughed, or teased his friend over making
such a remark.
It was as if Jesse were a child again, tearfully making up with his playmate
after a playground spat. Now though, realising that his young friend was
still in shock, deeply traumatised from his ordeal, Steve perched himself
at Jesse's side and slipped a gentle, brotherly arm around Jesse's shoulders.
"No Jess, of course I'm not mad at you
worried sick maybe, but
no
I'm not mad at you
"
In spite of his reassurances, Jesse still clearly felt that he needed to
say more, to apologise further - but the darkness around him was even thicker
now, too overwhelming for him to resist it.
Finally yielding to that crushing exhaustion, Jesse closed his eyes then
struggled to open them again - the fearful uncertainty within them prompting
another smile from Mark as he stroked Jesse's forehead.
"It's alright, Jesse, just go to sleep now
it's alright, you're
safe now
no more nightmares
"
Mark's smile then widened as he glanced up at his son, still sitting protectively
at Jesse's shoulder.Steve was clearly as tired as Jesse - but equally clear
was his determination to stay with his friend.And Mark knew once his son
set his mind on something, very little could be said or done to stop it
- especially when it concerned protecting his 'little brother.'
"Steve's going to be right here with you
" Mark went on,
smiling gently back at his young friend - using the familiar comfort of
his voice and the soothing touch of his hand to coax Jesse to sleep.
"That's it, Jess, that's it
attaboy, just close your eyes now
we can talk some more tomorrow
but for now, you really need to sleep
that's it, Jess, that's it
go to sleep now
"
If he'd not been a doctor, then Mark Sloan would have made a pretty impressive
hypnotist.
After one last twitch of resistance, Jesse's eyes finally closed and he
drifted into a deep, healing sleep.
Waiting until he'd completely settled, Mark released a long held breath
while glancing at Steve - noting in great amusement that his hypnotist's
voice had worked rather effectively on his son too.
If not for its protective sidebars, Steve might have been in real danger
of falling off Jesse's bed.
He was still awake, though, gently tucking the bedclothes back around Jesse's
shoulders.
Clearly appreciating his efforts, Jesse sighed while nudging himself more
snugly into Steve's side - a drowsy smile spreading across his face as he
settled back to sleep.
Watching him for a moment, Steve then met his father's amused eyes with
a martyred roll of his own.
"If the guys at the precinct could see me now
" he sighed,
casting Jesse a playful, brotherly glare. "I'd never live it down
from fearless police lieutenant to six foot two inch comfort blankie
"
Laughing now at the rueful expression on Steve's face, Mark then nodded
fondly towards Jesse.
"Well, for what it's worth, son, I'd say Jesse's rather grateful for
his comfort blankie
" he chuckled - nodding approvingly as he
watched Jesse sleep, enjoying his now peaceful, untroubled expression. "Seriously,
Steve, you're doing Jess more good than all these meds and the antivenin
put together
he knows he's safe now
that all the time you're
here with him, nothing more can hurt him
"
"Yeah, at least he's calmed down now
" Steve agreed, frowning
slightly as he glanced at his father. "What do you suppose that nightmare
was about
? I mean, I've never seen Jesse as angry as that
!"
"Yes, I must admit that shook me too
" Mark admitted, frowning
too as he shrugged his shoulders. "As I said, it may have been an after
effect from the antivenin
or even an out of body experience
hopefully by the time Jess wakes up, he'll be strong enough to tell us himself
"
Nodding his agreement, Steve then glanced back to watch over the snugly
huddled bundle beside him. Whatever nightmare Jesse had suffered, Steve
was determined to ensure it didn't torment him again.
Assured that his patient was in excellent hands, Mark gave Jesse a final,
gentle checkover -
making sure that Jesse was comfortably settled before leaving him to sleep
in peace.
Pausing at the ICU's doorway, Mark then glanced back to the peaceful scene
he'd left behind.
It had shaken him deeply to see Jesse go through this ordeal
this
desperate fight for his life.
And he'd sensed that difficult days lay ahead before Jesse could explain
the cause for that nightmare.
But for now, sleeping peacefully under Steve's protective care, the boy
didn't have a care in the world.
Smiling once more at this tranquil scene, Mark then left to enjoy some welcome
sleep of his own.
After a shaky start, Jesse made a slow but unhindered recovery from his
harrowing ordeal.
He still tired easily, though, which made it tricky for Mark to find out
the cause for his nightmare.
Then two days later, the inevitable happened - Jesse Travis got his appetite
back.
That appetite was notorious. For Jesse to go six hours without food was
unheard of, let alone six days. So while no great fan of hospital catering,
it seemed for once he was prepared to make an exception.
With Jesse still seemingly sound asleep, Steve headed for the cafeteria
for a pot of fresh coffee - leaving his sandwich unwisely unguarded, within
reach, on Jesse's bedside table
Returning several minutes later, with a refilled pot in one hand and a plate
of apple pie in the other, Steve re-entered Jesse's room to enjoy his lunch
- only to find that Jesse had beaten him to it. As a mortified Steve watched
at the doorway, joined now by a helplessly laughing Mark and Amanda, a hand
emerged from behind the surfing magazine that rested perched open on Jesse's
stomach. Homing in on its target, with an accuracy that fighter pilots would
give their trigger fingers for, the hand, plus sandwich, disappeared back
behind the magazine, followed by eager, happy munching.
Alerted by Mark and Amanda's laughter, and Steve's peeved mutterings of
'traitorous ingrate
'
Jesse put down his magazine and grinned happily back at them around a mouthful
of sandwich.
"Hey guys
!" he greeted, that grin growing wider as radar-like
eyes latched onto Steve's apple pie. "Oooooh, dessert too
??!!?
Awww, Steve, you shouldn't have
!!"
"Would it crush you, Jess, if I told you I hadn't
?" Steve
asked through a mildly exasperated sigh.
As Jesse stared up at him in plaintive, wounded disappointment, Steve just
sighed once more.
Casting a baleful glare towards his still laughing father, he then, with
familiar much abused patience, placed his shanghai'd dessert in Jesse's
eagerly receptive hands before heading back to the cafeteria - Mark and
Amanda's requests that they'd like some pie too met with another exasperated
glare.
Beyond all the teasing levity, however, serious concerns still remained
to be resolved.
So when Steve arrived the next morning and found Jesse picking listlessly
at an untouched breakfast, he knew the time for fun and games were over.
Instead, unseen by an oddly subdued, distracted Jesse, he closed the door
quietly behind him and went to find his father.
They'd spent so much time with him that, when Steve, Mark and Amanda all
arrived a short time later, Jesse saw little reason to question this sudden
en masse arrival of visitors.
Steve, as usual, took his place at Jesse's shoulder, giving his friend a
hug that was deliberately casual.
Jesse smiled back at him, grateful for his presence, yet unable to hide
an awkward unease in his eyes. These people cared so deeply for him
had welcomed him into their lives with such love and warmth. So how could
he think they'd ever turn against him
? What had triggered that horrific
nightmare
?
Mark had clearly been asking himself the same thing, his smile gentle as
he sat at Jesse's bedside - waiting there patiently until his young friend
raised haunted blue eyes towards him.
"I - I'm sorry, Mark
" Jesse finally whispered, clearly upset
and unsettled as he shook his head. "I don't know what came over me
just don't know why I could have lost faith in you like that
"
Jesse's words trailed away as he shook his head once more, lowering his
head away from Mark's eyes.
"Well, Jess, you know how much I enjoy solving puzzles
"
Mark replied, still smiling gently at him. "Why don't you let me help
you solve this one
? It's alright, Jess, it doesn't have to make sense
just talk to me
tell me what happened, and
well, let me help
you make sense of it
okay
?"
Smiling faintly back at him, Jesse nodded then falteringly began to describe
his nightmare.
"I - I was here, in the hospital, and
you know when you're watching
an old suspense movie
? Wh - Where everything looks normal, but
well, it isn't
? Things are just
well, not quite right
?
Well, it was like that
all the corridors had this real weird dimness,
like the power had gone out
" As Mark nodded encouragingly, Jesse
managed a shaky smile in return before hesitantly continuing. "Anyway,
Amanda was real busy with autopsies, so she asked me to bring you some files,
and
well, when I got to your office, the door was open, and I - I
could hear you and Steve talking
about a case Steve was working on,
and
and you were saying how annoying I could be
how - how I kept
interfering with trying to help on your cases, and
and spoiling evidence,
and
and Mark said he'd keep me out of your hair so you wouldn't go
grey because of me, and
and
" Falling silent once more,
Jesse then cast an awkward glance towards an equally dismayed Steve. "Am
- Am I really that annoying
?" he asked at last, again sounding
like a plaintive, friendless child. "I - I mean, do I really bug you
that much
?"
Glancing at his father for guidance, Steve then shook his head while holding
Jesse gently closer.
"Oh God, Jess, no
of course you don't
" he said at
last, trying to reassure his despondent friend. "In fact, I'd be more
upset if you didn't help me out
you always find the important clues
!"
"I - I do
? Really
?" Jesse blinked at him, in such
shy delight that Steve couldn't help but smile.
Again he wished he could tease his young friend - but this, he knew,
wasn't the time to do it. Instead, trading another brief glance with his
father, he gave Jesse another gentle, brotherly hug. "Jess, I'd never
hurt you like that
" he added softly, still smiling but his voice
totally serious.
"And even if you were bugging me, I'd tell you to your face
I'd
never go behind your back, Jess
I think too much of you to betray
your trust, or our friendship, as cruelly as that
"
"I know, Steve, that's
that's what I just don't understand
!"
Jesse broke in, shaking his head again. "I mean, I know that you care
about me, so
so why would I think that you'd turn against me
?"
Before any of them could reply, Jesse sighed while running a hand through
already tousled hair. "Maybe that snake venom went straight to my head
and sent me crazy
"
"Actually, Jess, that isn't so unlikely as you might think
"
Mark cut in, smiling gently back at him. "You were bitten by a Mojave
rattlesnake, which has one of the most potent venoms known
so yes,
along with the usual shock it invokes, that snakebite may have caused severe
hallucinations
"
Jesse simply nodded - guessing from three still concerned faces just how
close a call he'd had.
"Or - Or a near death experience
?" he asked at last with,
all things considered, remarkable calm.
Clearly relieved by this, Mark smiled back and nodded while pouring Jesse
a glass of refreshing water. "You were going through one hell of a
rough time, Jess
both physically and mentally, and
well, in
fact you suffered two full cardiac arrests while we tried to get your condition
stabilised, so
yes, it's quite possible that your nightmare was triggered
by that tremendous stress on your body
"
Jesse nodded once more, smiling his thanks for the gentle hug Steve had
already sensed he needed. In a rather odd twist, finding out how close he'd
come to dying had actually settled him down a little. As shocking as those
causes were, at least now he could understand what had triggered his nightmare.
Refreshed still more by a long drink of water, Jesse then cast an apologetic
smile towards Amanda - comforted by the knowledge that at least now she'd
understand what he was about to say. "Af - After that, I went to see
Amanda to
well, because I knew she'd listen to me and reassure me
but she was still busy with these autopsies and
well, she got real
mad at me for barging in on her
I - I guess I do tend to do that
anyway, then she said she didn't have time to listen to me
then as
I left there was a phone call from Jack and
well, suddenly she had
all the time in the world
when I left her office, she was so wrapped
up with Jack, I - I don't think she even noticed I'd gone
"
Pausing to collect his thoughts, Jesse then cast another, even more awkward
glance towards Amanda. As he'd expected, she looked shocked by her alter
ego's harsh attitude - but then she smiled gently, with the warmth and compassion
which he'd needed, then and now, to see.
"Oh Jesse
that sounds so awful
" she said at last,
reaching to tenderly stroke the side of his face. "But honey, I promise
you that I will never, ever turn you away like that if you need to talk
to me
no matter how busy I am, even if Jack should call me, I'll always
have time for you
okay
?"
"'kay
" Jesse smiled shyly back at her, blushing still more
as Amanda gently kissed his cheek.
While greatly relieved by this welcome progress, Mark knew that Jesse still
had a long way to go.
Their assurances were clearly helping to settle him down, yet the boy's
eyes were still troubled.
Many more difficult questions still had to be answered
traumatic fears
still to be faced
Waiting until Jesse had taken another reviving drink, Mark then cast him
another encouraging smile. "What happened next, Jess
?"
Jesse's smile faded slightly, then strengthened again as Steve gave him
a gently rallying hug.
"Well, everything just went downhill from there
" he said
at last, ruefully shrugging his shoulders. "And I mean downhill
!
I - I was so bitterly angry with all of you
just so hurt and angry
that
well, I kinda lost my head, pretty much turning into the intern
from hell
especially to you, Mark
I did all I could to avoid
you
even when you managed to find me, I refused to talk to you
I was rude and sullen
I - I even lost my temper and yelled at you
in the main lobby, and
well, generally did all I could to make your
life as miserable as
well, you'd made mine
"
As he'd done with Amanda, Jesse then paused and glanced apologetically towards
Mark -
clearly relieved to see the same blameless smile of understanding.
"By the sounds of things, Jess, I thoroughly deserved it
"
Mark said at last, gently patting his arm. "No wonder you were so distrustful
of me
the real me
when you came round from that coma
"
"Yeah, I - I guess so
" Jesse agreed, still frowning slightly
though as he glanced up at Steve.
"Mind you, Steve didn't see it that way
after hearing how I'd
treated you
oh boy, was he mad
! In fact he - he even roughed
me over in the doctors lounge
then he tossed me back and left
"
Now it was Steve's turn to look stunned and dismayed by his alter ego's
uncharacteristic actions.
Even though those actions had come from Jesse's fevered subconscious, he
was still clearly shocked. Now he understood that odd question Jesse had
asked when he'd finally come out of that nightmare - why his young friend
had asked so shakily whether he was still mad at him
"I actually threatened you
?" he asked at last, not giving
Jesse a chance to reply as he added softly, "Oh God, Jess, I'd never
do that
! No matter how mad I got at you, I'd never hit you
!"
"I know that, Steve
" Jesse assured him, re-affirming that
trust in his friend with a gentle smile.
"Like your dad said, I wasn't exactly thinking straight when I dreamt
all this
" Seeing that Steve wasn't entirely convinced, Jesse
then reassured his friend as only he could. "Hey, does this mean I
can annoy the hell out of you and never get cuffed
?" he asked
brightly - pouting in disappointment as Steve narrowed his eyes at him in
an equally playful glare.
"No, Jesse, it doesn't
"
Clearly enjoying this brotherly teasing, Mark glanced at an equally amused
Amanda and winked.
Regardless of Steve's reaction, the return of Jesse's cheekily playful humour
had to be a good sign. So was the familiar, rather long suffering smile
which now crept reluctantly across Steve's face - as it always tended to
do whenever Jesse pulled that bright eyed, cute kid brother trick on him.
After a shaky and awkward few days, things were finally starting to get
back to normal.
Well, Mark thought fondly, as normal as things could get with these two
around
There was still work to be done, though
as Jesse's suddenly thoughtful
expression clearly indicated. Prompted by Mark's gentle smile, and an encouraging
nod from Steve, he then hesitantly continued. "After that, I had to
deal with this biker who
boy, Steve, this guy made even you look puny
!
Anyway he was making a real nuisance of himself, groping one of our new
student nurses, and
well, before I know it, I'm confronting him
trying to keep this creep away from her, and
well, the next thing I
know, he's picked me up and tossing me into the nurses' station
"
Jesse then fell silent once more, wincing slightly at the memory of his
gallantry's very painful cost.
Just as they'd done in his nightmare, Mark, Steve and Amanda now all stared
at him in utter surprise - each mentally picturing this tiny, modern day
David bravely confronting a cruelly brutal Goliath.
When it finally came, Steve's reaction to that subconscious recklessness
was eerily familiar. "You confronted him
? On your own
?
Good God, Jess, what were you thinking
??!?"
Seeing the dismay in Jesse's eyes, Steve then winced too and gave his friend
an apologetic hug.
"Sorry, Jess
I was forgetting, all this happened in a world where
absolutely nothing made sense
!"
"Yeah, tell me about it
" Jesse muttered, pulling a face
as he recalled 'dream' Steve's advice.
"From now on, I'll leave creeps like that to hospital security
I
mean, real hospital security
!"
"Wise move, Jess
" Mark chuckled, turning more serious as
he nodded towards Jesse's right arm. "I'm guessing that's how your
arm got injured
? From being tossed across that desk
?"
"Yeah, it got pretty badly broken
" Jesse replied, glancing
thoughtfully towards his right hand -
now unbroken and unscathed, resting comfortably across his stomach.
Before he could say any more, though, a loud rumble erupted, volcano-like,
from that stomach - prompting much amusement as Jesse's face erupted too,
in a deepening blush of embarrassment.
"Well, Jesse, I'd say that's a subtle reminder that you didn't eat
your breakfast
" Mark said at last, this mock stern rebuke giving
way to helpless laughter as Jesse stared plaintively up at him.
Fondly tousling his hair, Mark then rose from his seat and walked out into
the adjoining corridor.
Jesse couldn't see what was happening, but the distant clatter of trays
certainly sounded promising.
A few minutes later Mark re-appeared, grinning triumphantly as he placed
a laden tray on Jesse's lap. "Maria's giving out today's lunches
and it so happens she had a couple of spares
" he explained, trading
knowing smiles with Steve and Amanda as Jesse eagerly uncovered the nearest
plateful.
Like so many others, their Italian chief cook had been instantly drawn to
the cheery young intern.
From the moment she'd seen him, she'd embarked on a mission to fatten up
that 'bellisimo bambino' - a task which, given Jesse's notorious love of
food, should have been ridiculously easy. But no. Although he'd normally
eat anything that wasn't nailed down, Jesse loathed hospital food.
It had to be said, though, that at the moment Jesse was showing no signs
whatsoever of that loathing - an extra large bowlful of chicken soup disappearing
with familiar, welcome speed.
With Steve's occasional 'help', a plateful of cannelloni and vegetables
soon disappeared too,
as did a brotherly shared wedge of apple pie and cream.
Now, as Jesse settled contentedly back with another mug of coffee, Mark
couldn't resist teasing him. "Well, I'd say that should keep Mount
Travis from erupting again for
oh, at least five hours
!"
"That long
?" Amanda chipped in, laughing too now as Jesse
glared peevishly back at them.
"Hey, I'm a convalescing patient
!" Jesse shot back, defending
himself with typical ingenuity.
"And medical journals say that convalescing patients need regular meals
to aid their recovery
!"
"I must have missed that issue
" Mark chuckled as Amanda
grinned equally mischievous agreement.
Realising he wouldn't win this argument without back up, Jesse glanced plaintively
up at Steve - guessing from the broad grin on Steve's face that, for once,
big brotherly back up wouldn't be coming. "See if you get to share
my lunch again
" Jesse muttered at last, glaring up at his traitorous
friend.
Totally unmoved by that plaintive expression, Steve chose his moment before
asking mildly,
"And whose lunch did you shanghai yesterday
? With, I seem to
remember, no sharing at all
?!?"
Left with very little means of defence, Jesse became conveniently silent
while he finished his coffee. "Well, it's not as if it had your name
on it
" he said at last, defensively shrugging his shoulders.
"Oh, and that's your excuse
?" Steve countered, finding it
impossible not to laugh as he added dryly, "So what do you suggest,
Jess
? That we put little name flags on our food so we can tell its
ours
?"
Always happy to join in this teasing, Amanda couldn't resist chipping in
before Jesse could retaliate. "Well, in that case we'll need a lot
of flags for Jesse
!"
"Yeah, and industrial strength nails for us
" Steve grinned,
smirking wickedly at the hapless Jesse.
While thoroughly enjoying the entertainment, Mark still felt that some refereeing
was called for - although with so many insults and counter insults flying
around, it was proving tricky to keep score ! "Okay now, you two, that's
enough
stop ganging up on your poor little brother
" he
chuckled, laughing even more as three faces stared up at him - two in disappointment,
the other in grateful relief.
It was good to Jesse smiling again, even though he'd been the butt of this
familiar teasing.
Good, too, that there were no hard feelings as Jesse settled himself back
against Steve's side -
that big brotherly teasing already forgiven and forgotten in favour of that
big brother's comfort.
But then Mark saw the sudden strain in Jesse's eyes
noticed the telltale
fading of his smile -
and he realised his young friend was still deeply upset by the horrors he
was having to re-face.
Steve and Amanda had realised it too - both instantly serious again as Steve
gave Jesse a gentle hug. "You okay, Jess
? I mean, we can finish
this later if you're getting tired
"
To their surprise, and grateful relief, Jesse smiled back at them, albeit
wearily, and shook his head . "No, Steve, I'm okay
just kinda
well, remembering
but no, I - I want to finish this
"
In spite of his renewed concern, Mark couldn't help but smile as he glanced
up at Steve and Amanda. The return of that famous Travis stubborn streak
was another welcome sign.
"What happened next, Jess
?" he asked gently, taking Jesse's
mug back for another refill of coffee.
Smiling his thanks, Jesse took a steadying breath then quietly resumed his
story.
"Well, at first everything seemed okay again
I - I mean, I still
didn't think I could trust you, but
you were all so worried about
me
staying with me till I came round from the surgery on my arm
I still acted like a jerk, thinking you'd all turned against me, but like
I say, everything seemed fine
but then everything seemed to go wrong
again
you thought I was stupid to have tackled that biker
you
were even laughing at me, not caring how much you'd upset me, and that's
when
when I
" Falling silent once more, Jesse glanced uneasily
in turn at the three concerned faces around him - wondering how on earth
they'd react to this next bizarre twist when he could barely face it himself.
Knowing now that it had been a figment of a delirious imagination brought
at least some comfort - as did the real, solid reassurance of Steve's arm
tightening gently around his shoulders.
Taking another steadying breath, Jesse then falteringly revealed his nightmare's
horrific conclusion. "M - My whole world seemed to be falling apart
you - you'd all hurt me, and
and betrayed me
Jack Stewart was
all ready to take his old job back from me, and
and I just couldn't
see a way out
so I - I discharged myself, left you a note then went
home and I - I took an overdose
"
Three stunned faces stared back at him, in open mouthed shock from this
unthinkable turn of events.
Of course none of it had actually happened, but Jesse had still gone through
a horrendous experience - prompting a visibly shaken Steve to gently draw
his friend into a long, tight, protective hug.
Mark, too, looked shocked as the full extent of Jesse's experience, and
its implications, became clear. This hadn't just been a bad dream - it had
been a revelation of Jesse's real, deeply disturbing fears. Fears and insecurities
which, Mark now guessed, had stemmed from a troubled, unhappy childhood.
Torn between a mother that he could never please, and an estranged father
that he barely knew, it was a miracle the boy hadn't spent his later years
in therapy instead of medical school.
Now here he was - one of the most naturally gifted young doctors that Mark
had ever met.
And were his parents proud
? Well, his father hadn't even bothered
to come to his graduation,
while his mother had left the ceremony half way through for a 'very important
lunch date.'
Well, if his own parents couldn't appreciate just how special their son
was, then that was their loss - and, Mark thought with a reflective smile,
their loss has been my truly blessed gain
Once Jesse was fully recovered, he'd tell the boy exactly why he cared about
him so deeply.
Why he was so special
such a precious gift to the lives of Mark and
Steve Sloan.
But for now, Jesse still had to deal with his own trauma
his own worst
nightmare.
His near death experiences, both real and imaginary, were taking their inevitable
toll on him now.
Jesse was still huddled in Steve's arms, scared and shaken, crying quietly
onto his friend's shoulder.
Gradually regaining his composure, Jesse finally pushed himself away while
wiping his eyes -
offering his still anxious friend a shaky smile of thanks before glancing
self consciously around him. "I - I'm sorry
" he murmured
at last, clearly embarrassed at breaking down in front of them . "Jeez,
I feel like such a jerk
! I - I mean, it's not as if any of this stuff
actually happened
!"
"Jesse, you've nothing to be sorry for
" Mark assured him,
giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"After a nightmare like that, and the trauma from that snakebite, no
wonder you feel so shaken
! Like I said, you were having one hell of
a rough time, both from that coma and the snakebite
so believe me,
you've nothing to be sorry for
you're going to be okay, that's all
that matters
"
That won him a shaky smile of appreciation, yet Jesse still looked unsettled
as he shook his head.
"Thanks Mark, but
I - I still don't understand why I'd think
you'd ever turn against me like that
! I mean, you've all been so good
to me
! In fact, you've treated me better than my own family
!"
Realising what he'd just said, Jesse fell awkwardly silent - expecting a
typically gentle rebuke. Justified as it may have been, it was hardly wise
to air his family's dirty laundry in public
To his surprise, he found instead another wise and kind smile as Mark
offered a typically cryptic reply. "Oddly enough, Jess, you've just
answered your own question
and solved your own mystery
"
As he'd hoped, Jesse was now rewarding him with that familiar 'how did I
do that
?' frown.
"I - I have
?" he asked at last, still clearly puzzled as
he cast a suspicious glance towards his IV. Jeez, what the hell are they
giving me in these meds
??!!?
Enjoying that so welcome expression, Mark then grew more serious as he thought
out his reply - knowing that he was about to tread on uncomfortable ground.
Jesse's bitterness towards his parents had dismayed him - but at the same
time he could understand it. On the few occasions when Jesse did talk about
his family, there was a deep sadness in his eyes - one which had made the
Sloans, and Amanda too, all the more grateful for their loving upbringings.
It was probably why Jesse had grown so close to them, valuing their friendships
so highly. Why the thought of losing the stability of those friendships
would be so devastating for him.
"Jess, I know that your childhood was pretty rough for you
"
he said at last with a slight smile - gently squeezing Jesse's hand as his
young friend stared up at him, his frown predictably deepening. "And
I'm sorry that this is such a painful subject for you, but
well, it's
also a very important one
one which I think is the key to what you've
just experienced in that nightmare
"
"Y - You mean all this stuff with you turning against me is because
of my childhood
?" Jesse asked, still staring at him with, to
Mark's relief, curiosity in his eyes rather than the resentment he'd feared.
"Yes, son, I do
" Mark went on, smiling at the reaction which
that simple term of affection invoked - the shy, delighted smile which Dane
Travis had so sadly missed out on.
Enjoying still more the quizzical curiosity in Jesse's eyes, Mark then gave
his arm another gentle pat. "I'm sure your parents never meant to hurt
you, Jess
even though their divorce inevitably did
and they probably
didn't realise just how severely their behaviour was affecting you
"
"Yeah, I spent most of the time in my room, trying to avoid their arguments
"
Jesse said quietly,
smiling his thanks for the consoling hug which this, and his next equally
quiet words, drew from Steve. "Of course, I know now that it wasn't,
but
well, back then I thought it was my fault they broke up
that - that they blamed me for what was happening
"
"Well, as you say, Jess, you know now that it wasn't your fault
"
Mark replied, smiling back at him. "But the consequences of those misplaced
feelings of guilt and responsibility are still affecting you
and I'm
guessing this is the first time that you've really talked about your parents'
divorce
?"
"Well, yes
no
well, um
kinda
" Jesse admitted,
blushing slightly as he shrugged his shoulders. "I - I mean, I went
to a child psychologist a couple of times, but then the other kids found
out, and
well, I soon found out those kids could hurt me just as much
as my parents
"
Falling silent once more, Jesse then smiled slightly before he sighed and
shrugged his shoulders again. "It was about that time I discovered
my talent for sprinting
" Mark grinned proudly back at him, relieved
at the return of that familiar, dryly sardonic humour. Steve, though, was
clearly appalled by this revelation that his 'little brother' had been bullied.
Seeing the sudden anger on his face, Jesse glanced up at him - reassuring
him as only he could. "It's okay, Steve
they may have been short
and skinny, but my legs were quicker than theirs
!"
Steve had to laugh at that - unable to resist teasing his friend as he gently
ruffled Jesse's hair.
"What about now, Jess
? Reckon those skinny little legs can beat
me over a hundred yard sprint
?"
"Well, that kinda depends on how pretty she is
" Jesse shot
back with an equally wicked grin.
Laughing too now, both from Jesse's reply and Steve's reaction to it, Mark
now stepped in to referee - knowing the brotherly rivalry between his boys
was at its strongest when a pretty girl was involved. "And of course
it also depends on how fast she can run too
!"
As Jesse and Steve mulled over this hitch to their plans, Mark glanced across
at Amanda and winked - sharing her amused relief that Jesse was now settled
enough to enjoy this familiar, playful teasing.
Jesse, too, seemed to sense that he'd turned the corner, that the worst
of his ordeal was behind him - his expression was much easier now, his eyes
calm and settled as he glanced across at Mark. "You know, it's funny
until now, I thought I'd come through my parents' divorce fairly well
I - I mean, compared to other divorces you read about, I thought I'd got
away pretty lightly
but I guess it affected me more than I thought
maybe more than I've been prepared to admit
"
"Well, yes, Jesse, I think you're right
" Mark nodded in
agreement, smiling proudly back at him. "And as with most burdens,
you're sure to feel better now that everything's out in the open
"
"Mark's right, Jesse
it's never a good idea to keep things bottled
up
" Amanda chipped in,
taking care not to make her tone sound too patronising as she took Jesse's
hand and added gently, "You can always talk to us, you know that, don't
you
? You can talk to us about anything
if there's anything troubling
you, or worrying you, you can always talk to us about it
"
"Yeah, I know that, Amanda
" Jesse replied, smiling back
at her before rubbing tiredly at his eyes. "I - I guess
well,
that's something I've always been afraid of, since my mom and dad divorced
whenever I tried to talk to them, to ask what was happening
well,
they just sent me to my room
told me to stop being a nuisance
stop getting in their way
I guess that's kinda stayed with me
"
"Traumatic events in childhood always do, Jess
" Mark said
softly, trading glances with the others - sharing their dismay at Jesse's
harsh treatment, but each of them keeping that dismay tactfully silent.
"But as Amanda said, you can always talk to us
if you're in any
kind of trouble, we'll be here
we won't think you're a nuisance
and I promise you, Jess, we'll never turn against you
everything you
went through in that truly awful nightmare came purely from your imagination
and
I promise you, Jess, that nightmare will never happen for real
okay
?"
The answering smile was weary now - but the relief and gratitude within
it was unmistakable.
"Thanks Mark
you too, Steve
Amanda, for - for helping me
through all this
" Jesse said at last - whatever he planned to
say next becoming lost in a sudden, unstoppable yawn.
Clearly enjoying the drowsily sheepish grin that followed, Mark then cast
Jesse a fatherly wise smile. "Well, Jess, now that's all settled, I
suggest you get some rest
we'll check in on you later, okay
?"
Yawning too much to argue, Jesse simply nodded while hunkering down more
snugly into his bed - the tumbled bedclothes he left by doing so prompting
Steve to make a typical big brotherly offer. "Want me to tuck you in,
Jess
? Maybe read you a bedtime story
?"
Glaring back at his friend, Jesse chose his moment before yawning a sleepily
hopeful afterthought. "Only if it comes with hot milk and cookies
!"
"In your dreams, Jess
" Steve retorted dryly, gently ruffling
Jesse's hair as he rose to his feet -
ignoring the inevitable protests as he tucked Jesse in anyway before rejoining
his father and Amanda.
In the time it took for them to stop laughing and reach the doorway, Jesse
was lost to the world, a drowsy smile spreading across his face as he curled
himself up under a snug huddle of bedclothes.
Once sure that he'd settled, Mark, Steve and Amanda came to stand once more
at his bedside -
each of them exchanging fondly relieved glances as they watched their young
friend sleep.
"He's so precious
so special
" Amanda said at last,
reaching to gently stroke back Jesse's hair.
"He is that
" Mark agreed, trading a private glance of understanding
with his son as he added softly, "One day I'll tell him just how precious
and special he is
"
Following Steve and Amanda back to the doorway, Mark paused to glance once
more behind him - casting Jesse a final, proudly reflective smile before
leaving him to sleep in peace.