Fragments part three
Detective Malone was to remember those words. Two days later, despite
his plea to the Captain and despite a confrontational conference between
Steve Sloan and his superior in the latter's office, the Lieutenant had
not retreated from the case one iota. In fact, his efforts to uncover the
killers on his own had grown more feverish, more determined.
Malone had visited the hospital again, hoping to get some more information
from the only witness to the crime. Dr Travis was still hovering between
life and death however, as he had been for the last week. He was in ICU
and his condition had been listed as 'grave'. No-one was smiling.
Malone had cornered Dr Sloan to ask about the possibility of questioning
the young physician later, but the good doctor had simply stared at him
sadly and told him that Dr Travis was deeply unconscious. He added that
he didn't think he was going to make it.
Malone had winced at the pain in the older man's haggard features and had
left well alone. When Stan had asked him about his visit, he had repeated
what Dr Sloan had said, not realising that Steve Sloan was passing his desk
as he told his partner that Jesse Travis was going to die.
Steve fell into his chair and stared unseeingly at the coffee he had
just poured. He felt numb. No, that wasn't quite true. He felt something.
He just wasn't entirely sure what and he didn't want to investigate it too
deeply because he was pretty sure that if he did, it would hurt.
"Dr Sloan said Travis isn't gonna make it."
The grim pronouncement had elicited a wave of mixed emotions. Regret, sorrow,
guilt and anger all vied for the premier position.
Jesse was going to die.
Wasn't that what he wanted?
A long moment passed.
Grim realisation hit him like a thunderbolt.
No!
Oh god
he didn't want him to die.
Jesse
Mark's gloomy prognosis was well founded. Jesse coded again that night.
Mark and his team waged a desperate fight to bring him back. Amanda could
only look on, her fist jammed into her mouth as all their efforts failed.
Just when all seemed lost and Mark, holding back bitter tears of defeat,
his face etched with despair, was about to call 'time of death', the heart
monitor picked up a faint beep.
Everyone watched with bated breath as another blip appeared, then another,
then another. After several anxious moments, it settled into a steady rhythm
and the readings began to stabilise.
The relief was incredible. Amanda leaned against the wall, sobbing quietly,
her eyes riveted on her young friend as he came back to them. Mark, the
paddles from the defibrillator still held in his hands, seemed mesmerised
by the pattern on the screen. It was as almost as though he had never seen
a heart monitor before.
Eventually, they recovered their equilibrium. Jesse was not yet out of
danger, although a corner seemed to have been turned that night. His vital
signs seemed stronger than they had in weeks and he had even regained a
little colour. He still had a long way to go, however and he would have
to be monitored very carefully over the next few days to ensure that he
didn't slip back. They couldn't afford to be complacent.
Twenty-four hours later they felt confident enough to remove the oxygen
mask, replacing it with a cannula. Another eighteen hours later he was deemed
fit enough to move to a regular room.
Jesse had been hovering near the edge of consciousness for a few hours,
always on the verge of waking up, but never quite making it. He had opened
his eyes a couple of times but had not been lucid enough to comprehend the
words which were spoken to him by those present and had lapsed into sleep
again within seconds.
Mark was once again sitting at his bedside. He looked considerably better
than he had for the last week. He had been home, cooked himself a meal and
had had a good nine hours sleep. It had gone a long way toward making him
feel more human. Nevertheless, he had to suppress a yawn as he settled more
comfortably in the chair beside his young friend, keeping a wary, hopeful
eye on the other man.
His perseverance paid off a few moments later when little sounds coming
from his patient alerted him to the fact that Jesse was about to return
to them.
Long eyelashes fluttered on the pale cheeks and Jesse moved his head restlessly
on the soft pillows. His fist clenched and unclenched and a small moan escaped
his throat.
"Jesse?"
Nothing. Mark tried again.
"Jesse? Son? Come on - come back to us."
He waited. Another minute elapsed, then he was rewarded by the sight of
the young doctor's eyelids flickering open and a pair of bleary blue eyes
peering out at him.
"M
Mark?"
The croaky sound of his name was the most delightful sound he had heard
in what seemed like forever. The older doctor placed a gentle hand on his
friend's cheek. It was warm but there was no fever present now. "Well,
hello there," he said, warmly. "We thought you were going to sleep
the week away."
Confusion coloured the expressive features and Jesse's eyes flickered briefly
over the room in which he was ensconced. "Not
. Not the same
room," he managed, finally.
Mark shook his head. "No," he said. "You've been very sick,
Jess. The infection flared out of control and you nearly died." He
winced inwardly. Even now the memory of the flatline on the monitor had
the power to terrify him. "We had to move you to the ICU."
"St
Steve?"
Mark swallowed hard. "Uh
Steve is at the precinct, Jess. It's
midday and he's working."
Jesse shook his head - the movement was barely discernible, as weak as he
still was. "No
no .. he
he said
"
Oh god. Mark so didn't want to have this conversation. He especially didn't
want to have it the minute Jesse recovered consciousness! "Jess, don't
you worry about that now," he soothed, hoping that his young friend
would heed his words and move onto something else. Something safe.
He should have known better. "No," Jesse managed. There was a
sob in his voice. "No, he .. he ... "
"Jesse
about what Steve said
"
Haunted blue eyes met his "I .. Mark
"
"Son, he didn't mean it. He's consumed with anger over what happened
- to Ellen and you. You were a convenient target
he cares
about you. You're his best friend. You do know that, don't you?"
"Okay." It was such a sad, subdued little word and it nearly broke
Mark's heart.
"Oh Jess," he sighed.
Jesse had turned his head away. He looked toward the window, but Mark didn't
for one minute think he was focused on it. He was hurting - deeply and he
was trying desperately not to let it show.
"Jesse, you just need to give him some time." His words sounded
lame even to his own ears but it was the best he could manage. He still
hadn't forgiven his son for his cruelty to the sick young man. Even if Jesse
had somehow been to blame - which of course he wasn't and it was ludicrous
to even suggest it - then any reproach should have waited until he was at
least well enough to defend himself. The bitter condemnation which had spilled
from Steve had been sufficient to send the young doctor into a tailspin
and the fact that it had very nearly killed him was something which Steve
was going to have to deal with when he finally came to his senses.
Jesse didn't reply to Mark's words, however. He had turned away so effectively
that the older man could barely see his profile and what he could see he
didn't like. He didn't like it at all. His friend might be recovering physically
but emotionally he had a heavy battle ahead of him. And Mark wasn't at all
convinced that Jesse even cared about the fight.
"Jess?"
No response.
"Jesse."
Nothing.
Mark reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He felt his heart sink
as he felt the young man flinch from the contact.
It was worse than he had feared. Jesse was lost in an ever-spinning vortex
of guilt and self-condemnation, made worse by his self-perceived failure
as a friend. The damage had already been done and Mark didn't know what
they were going to do to resolve it.
"He's so withdrawn I don't know how anyone is ever going to get
through to him," mourned Mark later as he sat in the doctors lounge
with an equally troubled Amanda.
"He's stopped responding to you at all?" she asked in a shocked
voice.
"I can't get him to speak to me. I can't even get him to look at me.
Amanda, I'm going to have to turn this over to one of the psychologists
on staff."
"Oh Mark
"
"I know, I know," he murmured. Distractedly, he rubbed his forehead
with his hand. "I just don't know what else to do. We're too close.
Too personally involved. We can't be impartial. All we want to do is help
him and unfortunately our emotions are going to get in the way again and
again. An outsider - someone who doesn't know him like we do - is going
to be able to toughen it out. They're going to be detached and that's what
he's going to need."
"Couldn't it just be depression from the shooting?" Amanda was
clutching at straws, and she knew it, but she didn't like to think of her
young friend being tossed into a psychologist's care
it made her
feel so helpless.
Mark smiled thinly. "I wish it were just that," he said. "That
we could deal with. I could explain it to Jesse and he would instantly recognise
it and help himself. He's seen enough of his patients go through it after
all. No, this
this
he's mired so deeply in guilt and self-reproach
that he's stopped fighting. He's stopped caring - about anything. The nurses
reported that he didn't even touch his lunch and he has to eat if he's ever
going to get any stronger."
Amanda felt a sob rise in her throat. "Maybe
maybe that's the
idea," she whispered, fearfully. "Maybe he doesn't want to grow
any stronger. Maybe he doesn't want to live
"
Mark bowed his head. He suddenly looked ten years older - all the good that
the last few days had wrought suddenly undone by his young friend's plight.
"I'm very much afraid you're right, honey," he said, in a low
voice. "And if he doesn't want to live
how is anyone going to
persuade him otherwise?"
Malone and his partner had finally caught a break. Forensics had come
up with a vital piece of evidence in the case and they had narrowed down
their search for the two men who had broken into the Sloan house. The computer
had thrown out a name - one Gus Brewer, a smalltime crook who had a history
of burglary. That he had progressed to rape and murder was not surprising,
given his character. He had been up on charges of spousal abuse in the past
and had also viciously attacked an ex-girlfriend, putting her in the hospital.
She had been physically scarred for life. He was a big man, capable of extreme
violence. He had served a prison term and whilst locked up had garnered
quite a reputation. One of his fellow inmates had made the mistake of crossing
him and had suffered brutally at his hands as a result. The man had recovered
- eventually - but the beating he had received was consistent with the attack
on Dr Travis.
Malone and Walker were triumphant. They had got him!
Steve had been following his own leads during his offtime and his dogged
perseverance had finally paid off when one of his informants called him
for a meet, saying he had something important to tell him.
The lieutenant had wasted no time. Haring out of the precinct, he had reached
his car only to discover Cheryl standing in his way. She had a glint in
her eye that spoke of her determination not to let him do this alone and,
reluctantly, realising she would only follow him anyway, he had relented,
allowing her to accompany him.
"So, what have you got for me, Jo?" demanded Steve as his snitch
emerged from the shadows of the derelict building where they were meeting.
Jo glanced around nervously. He seemed skittish and apprehensive. "Got
a name for you, Lieutenant," he said.
"Well, let's have it," ordered Steve impatiently.
Another uneasy glance around, then he leaned forward. "Gus Brewer,"
he whispered, conspiratorially.
Steve frowned. "Gus Brewer?" he echoed. "Why does that name
seem familiar?"
"He beat a girlfriend of his almost to death," the other man reminded
him. "And in the joint, he did the same to one of his fellow cons."
"Right, of course. So, what makes you think he's the guy?"
Jo smiled wanly. "Heard he's been mouthin' off about a job he did,"
he replied. "A job in Malibu. Went there for some valuables and got
somethin' else instead."
Steve's mouth thinned out at the words. "Go on."
"Said he got him a woman. Did her good and then shot her through the
head. I
I'm sorry, lieutenant," he temporised, backing off as
Steve's face darkened with rage. "That's what he said. I'm just repeatin'
it. Not sayin' it was right or anythin'."
"Yeah
all right," came the terse response. "You got
a location for me, Jo?"
The man handed over a slip of paper. "Here's where you can find him
most nights - when he's not out on a job."
"And will he be there tonight?" asked Cheryl.
A nod. "Oh yeah." Then, "Listen
you won't tell him
it's me who said anythin', will ya? Gus is dangerous. He's like a loaded
weapon - primed and ready to go off at any time. I don't want to be anywhere
near him when he explodes."
Steve smiled, grimly. "No," he said. "We won't say anything
to him. You have my word."
That earned him a grateful, if somewhat uneasy smile. "Your word's
always been good enough for me, Lieutenant."
"Thanks for the information, Joe," said Cheryl. She fished in
her jacket, extracting some bills, and handed them over.
Joe clutched at his reward feverishly then pocketed it and ran back into
the shadows.
Cheryl turned to Steve. "So, what now?"
The lieutenant's face looked like it was set in granite, his blue eyes blazing
in their sockets. "Now we go get us a killer," he rasped.
So it was that two sets of detectives converged on the one location. It was bound to end in disaster.
Mark was on duty when the first ambulance rolled up outside ER. He ran
forward to greet the gurney and was staggered at the identity of the patient.
"Cheryl!" he exclaimed. Despite his shock, he guided the gurney
into the nearest trauma room and issued orders about the detective's care.
She was bleeding from a shoulder injury and she had a bad contusion on the
side of her face. She was unconscious and the paramedics had reported her
as being unresponsive, but her vital signs were good and the injury to her
shoulder was not life-threatening.
Another gurney rolled through the door. This one contained Detective Malone.
He looked like he had run into a wall. There were contusions on his face
and body, and one massive bruise covering his abdomen, which looked particularly
nasty. Mark immediately ordered x-rays and sent the detective into Trauma
room 2.
The next gurney contained the only conscious victim of the melee. This was
someone Mark knew only too well and his heart skipped a beat as he registered
the multicoloured bruise on the man's cheekbone, the blood pouring from
an open wound on his forehead and the way he was holding his right wrist,
which was either badly sprained or broken.
"Steve!"
His son was sitting up on the gurney - despite the protests from the paramedics
accompanying him. One of them pushed him down but he brushed off the restraining
hands, rising upwards once again. "Dad!" he barked. "Dad,
how's Cheryl?"
Mark shook his head in mute exasperation, tempered by the relief he felt
at seeing the minor injuries his offspring had sustained. "She's being
treated," he said, vaguely. "I think she'll be all right although
she's unconscious at the moment. Steve, what in god's name happened?"
The story came tumbling out. How Steve and Cheryl had gone to the bar
Gus Brewer frequented when he wasn't out committing burglary, rape and murder
and how Malone and his partner had arrived at the same bar seconds after
the other two detectives.
An argument had erupted between Steve and Malone. Malone had felt - quite
rightly - that it was not the lieutenant's place to be there. This was his
case and goddammit, he was sick and tired of Steve interfering.
Steve, on the other hand, was determined to catch and arrest the guy who
had killed his fiancée and, more than likely his best friend and
nothing was going to sway him from this course of action.
The argument had threatened to get physical before Cheryl and Stan had stepped
in. Their cooler heads had prevailed, reminding their hot headed partners
that they were cops first, adversaries second. They were here to arrest
the suspect in Ellen's murder and if they continued this dispute, their
quarry might well escape.
"We're a team," Cheryl said, glaring at her partner - whose fury
at Malone had dissipated upon being reminded of their goal and the reason
for it. "Let's act like one."
"Yeah," Stan joined in, much to his partner's amazement. Stan
was normally the more introverted of the two men. "We don't like you
being here on our bust, Lieutenant," he went on. "But we've gotta
make the best of a bad situation. This works out to our advantage in case
we need backup."
"In case you need backup?" Steve had echoed derisively. "Oh
no, this is my call. I'm going in there."
"No, Steve, you're not." Cheryl's voice was quiet but resolute.
She stood in front of her partner, almost as though she were physically
preventing him from setting foot in the bar. "This is their bust. They
were assigned this case. They did all the work on it. I understand why you
want this one but we play backup this time. We can still be in on the bust.
You still get to bring in the guy who murdered Ellen and attacked Jesse
but we're the second stringers. Otherwise you can find yourself a new partner."
He stared at her for a full minute, not believing what she had just said.
But it was there in her face. She meant every word. If he didn't back off,
she would walk. He admired his partner. More, they formed a great team.
He hadn't had a rapport this good with anyone since Tanis and he didn't
want to lose it.
Despite his thirst for revenge; despite his need to be the one to bring
in the guy who had ruined his life, he suddenly found common sense and his
own innate morality prevailing. With very bad grace, he ceded to Cheryl's
advice and her out and out threat. "Okay," he said, grumpily.
"We wait outside and give you guys backup if you need it. Just one
thing though."
"Yeah?" Malone was still standing his ground and the word sounded
like a challenge.
Steve glared at him. His eyes were like ice. "Don't lose this guy,"
he said, in a low voice.
Malone grinned rakishly. "Oh don't you worry, Lieutenant. We have no
intention of letting this guy go."
Moments later, Steve and Cheryl were recipients of a call for backup.
They entered the bar to absolute mayhem. Malone was lying on the floor,
bleeding, his shirt and jacket ripped and looking dazed. His partner was
being restrained by two men whilst another one, at least six foot four and
built from sheer muscle, advanced on him, his fist pulled back for a roundhouse
blow.
"Hold it!"
The big, burly guy half turned at the command, smiling nastily at Steve
and Cheryl, who had both drawn their guns, which were now trained on the
entire group. "Oh, look," he sneered. "Reinforcements! Well,
guys, you can try, but you're not takin' me in!" So saying, he continued
with his swing toward Stan, who tried his best to avert the blow, but before
he could make contact, Steve fired. The bullet entered the man's shoulder
and was enough to deflect him from causing any injury to Stan, who used
the distraction to struggle free of his captors and deliver his own punches,
catching both of them in the nose with the force of the blows.
Then chaos ensued as the big man launched himself on the two newcomers.
Steve and Cheryl were ill prepared for such an attack and Cheryl got the
worst of it as his fist caught her a glancing blow on the forehead. Falling
backward, she collided with a table, which splintered under the force of
the impact, one of the larger splinters of wood then piercing her shoulder
from front to back.
Steve was luckier. He managed to swerve out of the way, but as he fell to
the floor, he landed badly on his right arm, and a jolt of agony blossomed
outward from his wrist, making him black out momentarily.
Stan had drawn his gun by this time and was holding it on the other protagonists,
as Steve forced himself up from the floor to face the man who had killed
Ellen.
He was beyond fury, beyond reasonable thought. All he could feel was a cold,
hard craving for vengeance. This monster had raped and murdered the woman
he loved and had shot Jesse. A distant pain sliced through his heart. Jesse
was probably dead by now. And this guy had killed him. If there was the
slightest recognition of his own part in that process, he didn't acknowledge
it.
"You bastard!" His voice was like ice. "You stinking, perverted,
bastard scum! You killed them. You killed them and now you're going to die."
He could hear Cheryl's voice in the background, but he didn't understand
the words. Stan's voice was a counterpoint but the sound of it was distorted
and he dismissed it as irrelevant. He aimed his weapon at Brewer's head,
then his chest. His own chest was heaving and a haze of red had fallen over
his eyesight. It was almost as though he and Brewer were the only ones in
the room.
His need for revenge was overwhelming. It completely consumed him, blocking
out all rational thought. All he could see was the image of his dead fiancée
and, in the periphery of his vision were the paramedics working frantically
to save the life of his friend.
Killing this man now could put an end to the images. It could put an end
to the pain. If he murdered him, then he could atone for his mistakes. Leaving
them alone to face this monster; not being there to protect them when they
needed him
Here was where everything could be put right. Just one
bullet to the forehead
maybe another to the chest just to make sure.
And perhaps another in the groin - that would put an end to this rapist.
His finger tightened on the trigger. Brewer stood tall, grinning at him,
laughing at him. Obviously the guy thought he was invincible.
Then Brewer moved. For a big man he was awfully light on his feet. Like
lightning, he was on top of Steve before the detective could actually fire
the gun and they went down together. Steve felt his head impact with the
corner of a table as he fell, but even that pain was nothing compared to
the agony slicing through his heart. He couldn't fail - not again! He had
failed them once. Now
he had the chance to repair all the damage
that had been done and he couldn't fail again.
As Brewer grabbed his head and prepared to slam it into the ground below
him, a shot rang out. A shower of blood erupted from Brewer's other shoulder.
It didn't even faze him. Steve struggled for purchase on the floor, trying
to find a way to heave the guy off him. His fingers found themselves wrapped
round a piece of wood - probably from the table which had shattered when
Cheryl had fallen on top of it. With a grim smile of satisfaction, he firmed
his grip and swung it round. It exploded on impact with Brewer's skull.
The big man looked dazed for a moment then toppled sideways, to fall to
the ground.
By this time, unformed cops had arrived and ambulances weren't far behind.
Brewer was taken into custody, his limp body being manhandled into an ambulance
by several officers. Stan was examining his unconscious partner and Cheryl,
after levelling a look at Steve that spoke eloquently of her feelings on
his actions, lapsed into the same oblivion.
"So where's Brewer now?" asked Mark. He glanced around the
ER. No ambulance had arrived bearing the murderer and he momentarily wondered
whether he would be able to suppress his own abhorrence of the man who had
taken one life and had tried his level best to snuff out another.
"He's on his way," said Steve, tightly. His face was lined with
strain, the deep blue eyes showing his torment. "I wanted to come in
the same ambulance - to make sure he didn't escape. But I was dazed myself
and they'd loaded me into another one and set off for the hospital before
I could protest."
'Just as well,' reflected Mark, silently, only now comprehending
how close his son - his decent, by-the-book cop son had come to actually
killing the man. "Well, we'd better take a look at that wrist
and that head," he said, in a matter of fact tone of voice. Gently,
he examined the bleeding head wound. It would probably require a couple
of sutures but it was not serious. The wrist looked swollen but he didn't
think it was broken. It was undoubtedly a bad sprain. Both injuries would
hurt for a while but they would heal. He wasn't at all sure about his son's
soul.
Brewer was wheeled into the ER about ten minutes later. He had woken
up in the ambulance but was now unconscious again. Inexplicably, he had
acquired another wound on his head, but no-one was talking about how it
had happened and Mark didn't bother to ask.
After treating his son for the minor wounds he had received at Brewer's
hands, Mark had been back in the ER reception when the murderer was brought
in. He was forced to quell his distaste at having to treat the man, but
it was difficult. He counted amongst his victims now not only Ellen and
Jesse, but also Cheryl, Malone and Steve. Granted, the latter three were
going to be fine - at least physically, but still
This was the man
who had committed a heinous act in his house; who had forever tainted
their lives. For the first time in a long time he found it difficult to
assert his professional persona over his personal feelings. The man even
looked like the brute he was.
Two hours later, Brewer was taken up to a room where he would be held under guard until he could be taken to jail where he would hopefully be incarcerated until his trial. The operation to extract the bullets from his shoulders and patch him up had been undertaken in a strange atmosphere of silence. There had been none of the urgency which normally characterised such procedures. It had been merely a clinical exercise, performed with efficiency and skill but absolutely no feeling whatsoever. The staff assisting Mark were well aware of the identity of the man and what it was alleged he had done. Whilst they knew Ellen from her association with Steve and Mark, it was Jesse who dominated their thoughts. The young doctor had almost died and this monster was the reason why. Their compassion would be wasted on him.
Once Brewer was ensconced in his temporary abode, handcuffed to the bed and with three guards on him, Mark made his way down the hall to see his son. He was exhausted. Truly, utterly burned out. He recognised that he should be feeling some relief at this point. The murder investigation had yielded a result. The suspect was in custody and he would no doubt pay a heavy price for what he had done. But the damage he had caused was like a cancer, eating away at everyone; growing day by day. And there seemed to be nothing Mark could do to stop it.
Steve was lying in the bed, staring unseeingly at the ceiling when Mark
entered the room. The older man recognised the posture and the dark, forbidding
look on his face.
Steve was brooding.
Heaving a heavy sigh, the distinguished doctor sank into the chair at his
son's bedside and ran weary hands over his face.
"You okay, dad?"
It was the first time he had heard Steve express concern for anyone else
for a long while. Then again, they hadn't seen each other much since Steve's
outburst in Jesse's room. He pasted a smile on his face and let his hands
fall listlessly into his lap. "I'm fine," he said.
Seemingly satisfied with that, Steve returned to staring at the ceiling.
Silence reigned for several moments, then, "You know, I've been lying
here, thinking."
"That could be dangerous," Mark teased him. It was a half-hearted
attempt but Steve cast him a thin smile of gratitude anyway.
"I
I've been thinking about
the night of the .. you know
"
He couldn't say the words and Mark nodded silently, understanding only too
well. Searching for the man who had caused his world to crumble around him
had consumed Steve for weeks. And whilst he had been involved in it, it
had kept his mind occupied so that he didn't have to deal with Ellen's death
and what had happened to Jesse. It had shielded him, in a way, from having
to face all his turbulent emotions after the first swell of grief. Now that
shield was gone and all those feelings he had been ruthlessly suppressing
would be fighting for release. And there was nothing Mark could do except
be there for him. Succour was all he could offer. He could not bring him
the peace he knew his son would crave. Only Steve himself could find that
and it would be a very personal journey.
"Dad
that guy
Brewer?"
"Yes, son."
"He
he nearly took out all four of us. My god, he would have
killed Malone and Stan if we hadn't been there."
Steve sounded tortured and Mark winced, pretty sure he knew what was coming
next. "I know," he said, calmly, however. "You told me."
"I
I didn't realise," came the hoarse voice. "I
guess I never thought
I've had a long time to do that whilst lying
here and
god, what was I thinking? No-one could have fought that
monster off
"
"Steve
" Mark wasn't sure he wanted to hear this. Steve
sounded as though he were in hell and indeed, that was where he had been
since Ellen's murder. He forced himself to remain quiet. The stranger who
had taken up residence in his son's body had gone and in his stead was Steve
himself.
Steve's fingers were fumbling restlessly with the bedcovers now and he couldn't
look the older man in the eye. "I
was just thinking about Ellen
and Jesse and what they went through," he said. His voice was practically
inaudible and Mark had to strain to hear it. "My god, dad, they didn't
stand a chance. Ellen
I
I can't even picture what she went
through at his hands and Jess
he was beaten to a pulp
the
size of the guy, dad, and Jesse's half his size! And then he was shot
through the heart. I know, I remember. And
and I didn't care. He's
my best friend and I didn't care!"
"Steve, your fiancée had just been raped and killed," Mark
pointed out, gently. He stroked his son's arm soothingly, trying to give
him the absolution that he so desperately needed and knowing that only one
person was capable of giving him that.
"I know! I know that! But
god dad, what the hell gave me the
right to blame him? How could I have done that? I blamed myself more, you
know? And I couldn't deal with it so
I guess I projected it onto
Jesse. But I
god, I can't believe I told him
I can't believe
it was me who killed him, dad. Not Brewer. Me. I killed my best friend
and I don't know how to deal with that. I don't
I didn't deserve
him as a friend and now it's too late to tell him I'm sorry
. "
The words ended on a sob and Mark enfolded him in his arms as Steve completely
fell apart. Grief for Ellen and Jesse, coupled with guilt and shame came
pouring out in a virtual torrent and Mark thanked god that the walls had
finally come down, although that was tempered by worry. How was Steve going
to react when he was told he hadn't killed his friend after all? And was
this the catalyst that Jesse needed in order to bring him back to them?