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SORROWS, TRUTHS AND CONSEQUENCES

By Queenie



Hercules was not sure at first what had awoken him. He lay awake for long moments listening to the night sounds of the forest, trying to determine just what had roused him from half-remembered dreams of dragons and partying villagers. Just when he was beginning to think that he had imagined the sound which had disturbed his slumber and was about to relax back into Morpheus's arms, he heard it again.

"Iolaus?" he whispered, leaning over from his bedroll toward his friend, from whom the muffled sob seemed to have emerged. "Iolaus, are you ...?" The question remained half-finished. It was redundant in any case. The ordeal which they had both endured during the last few months had taken its toll, both physically and emotionally. Iolaus's living death at the brutal hands of Menas Maxius was a horrifying memory which would never be erased. Although they had both come to some kind of acceptance of it, the scars remained, albeit layered with a thin film of a lifetime of love and friendship and many nights since the event of anguish shared and comforted.

Biting back his own distress at what he realised was yet another nightmare suffered by his beloved friend, Hercules reached out to lay a comforting hand on the trembling shoulder under the blanket. Another stifled sob echoed through the night air as his companion felt the reassuring grip, and, slowly, Iolaus turned to face the demi-god, apprehension in the blue eyes, still not entirely convinced that there would not be censure in the gaze which met his own.

"I'm sorry," he managed, with a tremulous smile. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Hercules returned the smile, though he could not keep the worry from his voice when he spoke. "You didn't," he lied, easily. "I couldn't sleep, anyway."

The smile deepened until it almost reached Iolaus's eyes. Almost. "Liar," he accused his friend, good-naturedly.

The other man shrugged. "Maybe," he said, admitting nothing. Then, "It was the nightmare again, wasn't it?"

A slight nod, and shame brought a slight flush to the smaller man's face. "It won't stop," he said, quietly, averting his eyes from the penetrating gaze of his friend. "I try ... but every night ..." His voice broke off into another sob and he tried to twist out of the strong grip on his shoulder - to no avail. "I ... Hercules, sometimes I think it will never end, that it will always be this way - what good is a man who constantly jumps at shadows? What good is a warrior who is always scared? It can't be this way forever? Can it??"

Hercules swallowed - hard. Since Iolaus's ordeal, the two of them had travelled down a long, hard, difficult road to reach the place where they were at present. First there had been the long fight for Iolaus's very existence, when Hercules had reached down into the darkness of the other man's most recent memories and helped him back into the light of life. Then had come the first period of recovery - for both of them. One had wrestled with shame and humiliation, the other with guilt, and it had very nearly killed Iolaus. Only when Hercules had admitted his own fears and the depths of his perceived culpability in what Iolaus had endured had the other man found the strength to admit his deepest fear and reveal the most horrific incidents to the Son of Zeus. Convinced that what he had suffered had made it impossible for his dearest friend to look upon him or even touch him any longer, Iolaus had stood on the very precipice of despair and only the reassurance of his friend's loving words and the inexpressible comfort of his sheltering arms had brought him back. Even so, there were still memories to be confronted and demons to be faced and fought - but Hercules knew that, as they had for so many years, he and Iolaus could face and fight these together. Where there was love and trust such as theirs, there was courage. Iolaus had already shown the depths of his courage in first enduring what he had in order to save his friend's life, then returning from the brink of death when oblivion would have been so much easier, and finally, stepping back from the chasm of an easy death to stand beside his friend and face the future together.

"It will get better," he reassured the other man, tightening his hold on his shoulders and forcing Iolaus to meet his eyes. "My friend, it will take time, but it will get better. I promise you."

"Will it?" The voice was filled with uncertainty. "Hercules, I - I'm ... "

"Scared?" Hercules finished off for him. "Iolaus, I'd be worried if you weren't. What you endured ... " His voice failed him for a moment as recollections of what his friend had revealed he had actually been through assailed him in all their ghastliness. He shook off the visions - with an effort - and forced himself to continue. "What you endured will leave lasting memories - you have to accept that. Eventually, you'll learn to control them, so that they are just memories and cannot hurt you any more. But for now - I think, for now, you have to allow them to control you - or at least to allow them to emerge, even as nightmares. If you suppress them too soon, they will only fester, like a wound, and re-emerge later, stronger, and hurt you even more. This is not weakness, my friend. This is your mind's way of going through the healing process. And I'll be right here, beside you, whenever you need me, to help you through this. This was my nightmare, too. I allowed this to happen. I was the reason for what was done to you. I will never forget that - I can never forget that."

"But you have to forgive yourself," Iolaus reminded him, reaching up to place a hand over one of those which still lay on his shoulders. "You promised me - and I hold you to that."

Another slight smile, this time from Hercules. "I will," he said. "I would never break my promise to you. Never."

An answering smile and then a shiver as the cool night air penetrated the thin blanket which was wrapped around him. Hercules's smile faded to be replaced by concern. Even beyond his emotional wounds, Iolaus was still not fully recovered physically from the terrible injuries which had been inflicted upon him during their incarceration in Menus Maxius's Tartarus on Earth. "You're cold," he said, then realised that this was a pretty obvious statement.

"I know," came the subdued response. "I .. can't seem to get warm no matter how I try. It's as if ... as if the cold is coming from inside. I don't know how else to explain it."

Hercules squeezed the smaller man's shoulder briefly, then brought the blanket up further and wrapped it around his friend. Iolaus still shivered, however, so, hesitantly, not wanting to frighten him, but needing to do something to warm the cold body beneath his hands, the demi-god wrapped his arms tightly around him and brought him into his embrace. "Better?" he asked.

"Um ..." came the reply, as Iolaus buried his head in his friend's shoulder. "S'warm ... "

"Then go to sleep," Hercules ordered. "I'm here."

"..kay ... "



Despite the semi-uncomfortable position into which Hercules had put himself for his friend's sake, he had dozed off when he was awakened again by a strangled cry. He was instantly alert, gazing down into the tortured face of his friend, choking back his own pain at the tears streaming down the wan face.

"Iolaus, I'm here," he said, gently, tightening his hold around the other man and laying his cheek upon the soft mass of golden hair.

This time, however, the nightmare was far more severe, far more graphic, and Iolaus came semi-awake convinced that he was once again in Menas Maxius's clutches, being forced to submit to the heinous acts which his captor had enforced upon him in order to save his best friend's life. He squirmed and struggled violently, gasping for breath which refused to come and terrified that his refusal to yield would mean his friend's death.

The arms around him refused to let go, however, and he panicked, suddenly unable to breathe at all, unaware that he was beginning to hyperventilate. Without warning, he jerked awake, and found himself cradled, not by the bestial Maxius, but in the strong, loving arms of the friend he had sought to protect. "Hercules..?" he managed, before collapsing completely into the demi-god's protective embrace. "Oh gods ... " he moaned. "I ... I can't ... "

Hercules's own tears - held back no longer - fell, one by one, onto the blond head which was trying to bury itself in his shoulder. "I'm here," he murmured, comfortingly, one hand gently stroking his friend's back, the other wrapped firmly around his torso. "I'm here."

Iolaus seemingly could not be comforted, though. This time the nightmare had been too vivid. His memories of his suffering at the hands of the despicable despot and, later his guards, washed over him, filling him with new shame and humiliation, making him feel dirty and used. What they had done to him had removed forever the pleasure that sex had always given him. It would take a miracle to make him see it in the pleasurable, leisurely way he had done prior to his capture.

"I can't .. " he moaned again. "I can't ... "

Hercules was desperate. Nothing he said, nothing he did seemed to be getting through to his friend. The distraught denial was cutting through him like nothing else had ever been able to, not the sharpest sword, nor the quickest blade. "Iolaus, I'm here," he repeated, finding to his horror that his own voice was shaking. His arm tightened around the trembling form and the other hand encircled the blond head, stroking the tumbled mass of curls with a desperate tenderness. "I'm here," he said, again, burying his face in his friend's hair, his lips meeting the damp forehead in a kind of benediction. "It's all right. You're safe." He stopped speaking to brush his lips against first one pallid cheek, then another, one hand leaving the blond hair to begin gently stroking his friend's face. "Everything's all right," he went on, continuing his ministrations, "I'm right here. I'm right ... " He stopped speaking as he met the intense blue gaze, awash with tears but lit with something between bewilderment and cautious expectation. "Iolaus?"

"Hercules ... I .." The hoarse voice paused as the warrior registered both the reality of the situation and the growing distance of the nightmare, coupled with the depth of feeling in his friend's eyes and the sensations which he himself was experiencing as he lost himself in that loving gaze. "Hercules?"

The Son of Zeus, looking deep into his friend's eyes, felt the backwash of Iolaus's sensations merge with his own and, tentatively, carefully, allowed his hand to resume stroking the other man's face, wiping away the last vestiges of sweat and tears with a gentle finger. Slowly, Iolaus reached up a hand to place it over those loving fingers and gazed expectantly up at his friend. "I ... "

"I love you. You know that," said Hercules, in a low voice, ensuring that all of the power of that emotion which was held in his heart for this man emerged in his voice and in his expression. "You are my best friend, brother of my heart, and I would never willingly harm you."

Iolaus nodded, and swallowed convulsively. He was beyond rational thought. What he most needed now was the physical proof of that love, even though both of them were enthusiastic and fervent lovers of women. His own sense of himself had been turned completely upside down and inside out by what that monster had done to him. It had turned sex into something vile and hated. What was required now was proof that the act could be loving and pure - and the only person who could provide that proof was one who loved him unconditionally, one who would not condemn him for his needs, one into whose arms he had so willingly and completely crept for comfort in the past few weeks, one who had so willingly and completely accepted him there. "Hercules?" He held his friend's gaze, trying to send his thoughts across the chasm between them. "Please ... ?"

The taller man could barely breathe as his friend's plea took seed in his mind and began to grow. He could scarcely believe it. He would have been ready, of his own accord, to take their friendship to another level, for his friend's sake, knowing as he did what the vile acts in his recent past had done to Iolaus's self-confidence and his worth as a man. It was not something he was unwilling to do, even though all his previous encounters had been with women. This was his best, dearest friend. He loved him with all of his heart. He would be glad to share himself - indeed, wanted to share himself, so that he could prove to Iolaus that the act itself could be initiated from mutual love and respect, and that it need not be the vile memory which plagued him night after ceaseless night. But he was stunned that his friend should be receptive - not only receptive, but, by the open craving in his gaunt face, almost desperate for the contact between them.

"I will never hurt you, Iolaus," he repeated, earnestly, holding that beloved face between his hands, never breaking the azure gaze for an instant. "I want to show you how it can be - I will not force you to do anything you do not want to do."

Iolaus could barely speak. He knew that Hercules was trying to reassure him, and also let him know that if he had any objections, then it would stop here, now. He also knew that Hercules needed to show him the beauty of the act as much as he needed it to be shown by his dearest, most trusted friend. "You could never hurt me, Hercules," he whispered, his own hand caressing the one which still stroked his face. He cast his eyes downward for a moment, then, glancing up again, his gaze was once again sure - and a little desperate. "Please?"

Hercules needed no second bidding. Slowly, he leaned forward to brush his lips across those of his friend. It was a featherlight kiss, which intensified as they locked together. His arm, locked behind the other man's torso, manoeuvred him onto the soft ground beneath them and he released his mouth to brush it tenderly across the shadowed face. He paused momentarily to gaze into that face, to ensure that his friend was all right, and found a small, but genuine smile thereon, whereupon he resumed the gentle caresses of his lips, trailing soft kisses down the fragile, healing body, taking extra care over the numerous scars which were still very much in evidence and which pained him each time he saw them.

There was no other sound save for their breathing as their two bodies intertwined with each other, till a slight gasp made Hercules pause again. He glanced downward, but was rewarded by an expression of almost eager expectation and a light in the blue eyes which he had not seen in many weeks. This gave him the courage to continue as one hand searched for and found the belt on his friend's pants and slowly loosened it. Once removed, it was a simple task to slide the leather garments off and throw them to one side. It was with a gasp of surprise - and pleasure - that he felt hands fumbling at his own leather breeches and, despite the effort it took, they were able, eventually, between them, to remove them.

Leaning on his elbows, taking great care not to place strain on the body which lay so trustingly beneath his, he allowed his gaze to travel down the form of his friend. It was a body which he knew so well - almost as well as his own. They had never been shy with each other, even as boys, and he had been tending to his friend's every physical and bodily need through the last few weeks, so he was familiar with every muscle, every dip, every part of the form which had been so badly abused. Abusing it was the last thing he wanted to do, for the bruises and scars were even more starkly evident on the pale skin which had been concealed beneath his pants. What he wanted to do was rip out the black heart of the man who had tried to destroy his beloved friend, but a spear through that organ, thrown by Hercules, had had to suffice. He sighed. Suddenly he was not sure that he was capable of the enormity of the task ahead of him. Could he really show this man, whom he loved above all others, that this could be pleasurable? Could he really restore all that had been lost - in one night?

His gaze returned to Iolaus's face, and when he saw the love and trust shining out of the blue eyes he realised that he was the only person on earth who possessed the power to do just that.

Brushing his lips across the other man's body whilst one hand slowly stroked the silken flesh of one thigh, he allowed both of them the time to enjoy each new sensation, tracing a path of loving kisses across the tight abdomen, and gradually, travelling further down, caressing soft skin with both his lips and the tender ministrations of one hand. A gasp from Iolaus brought his eyes back to search his friend's face, and he swallowed, hard, tears springing involuntarily to his eyes at the wanton desire in those azure depths.

"I love you, Iolaus," he whispered, his lips finally coming to rest on the hardening shaft which lay nestled in its thick halo of golden curls. Then there was neither necessity nor time for further speech, as his tongue slowly traced a circle round the tip of his friend's penis, tasting the sweetness of the moisture already seeping from the puckered skin. He allowed himself the luxury of a small smile as Iolaus's moans of pleasure floated into the night air, then slowly, oh so slowly, he let his tongue wander downward, ignoring his own aching need in the desire to prove to this dearest of friends that love could overcome even the direst of circumstances and reign supreme.

As he took his friend's length into the safe haven of his mouth, he felt Ioalus start to buck beneath him, the smaller man unable to stifle his groans of pleasure. Hercules risked another glance upward, at the same time as Iolaus finally released his seed, and was relieved, then a little apprehensive to discover his friend quivering in the throes of an orgasm so intense that his eyes had rolled back in his head and he was in danger of knocking himself out on the hard ground.

Gently, Hercules released the other man's flaccid length and slid his arms further up under his friend's trembling form, holding the beloved body close to his own, planting more tender kisses on the corded neck and behind one ear.

Iolaus groaned again, and rose up to meet the demigod's mouth with his own, their tongues dancing together in dizzying passion. Hercules was aware that his own erection was painfully hard, but had not realised that Iolaus had noticed it too, and was, therefore, amazed and again brought to the verge of tears when his friend's fingers found the pulsing shaft and stroked it tenderly, then, coating it with its own weeping fluid, eased it gently towards the small opening it was aching to enter, spreading his legs to accommodate his larger friend. "Not this way," gasped Hercules, well aware that this manoeuvre was difficult at the best of times, and determined not to hurt this man, whom he loved beyond life itself.

"B ... but ... "

Iolaus's weak protest was silenced by another gentle kiss from the demi-god. "Let me take care of it," he whispered, stroking the gaunt face with a loving hand. "I'm here."

Reluctantly, Iolaus nodded, and allowed Hercules to carefully turn him on his side. The son of Zeus then wrapped himself around his trembling friend and slowly and very, very gently, eased himself inside, hearing a moan from the other man as he did so.

"Iolaus?"

"I ... I never knew ... Oh gods, Herc ...I love you."

Iolaus's hand came down to grasp Hercules's and bring it back to his mouth where he kissed the fingertips. Hercules breathed a sigh of relief, then moved his other hand round to take Iolaus already stiffening length in a firm grip. They lay in complete silence for a long moment, both overcome by the wonder of this joining. Everything suddenly felt 'right'. There was no more timidity, no more fear. Just these two men, friends, brothers of the heart, their souls already forever joined, now discovering the pure rapture of their first physical union. What their bodies pledged to each other on this night no god or mortal would ever be able to rent asunder. They would be one - forever.

The moment stretched, seemingly into eternity, before sheer sensation began to take control and they lost themselves in the effort to bring each other to the edge of ecstasy and beyond. As Hercules thrust again and again into the warm, welcoming haven of his best friend, whilst simultaneously squeezing and stroking the smaller man's shaft, Iolaus moved in rhythm with the demi-god, the moans issuing from his friend's throat sending little slivers of pleasure into the spirit which had been so mortally wounded by Menas Maxius's vile acts. Slowly, sweetly, painfully, they reached a crescendo together and their dual cry splintered the silence of the night.

They lay entwined for some time before Hercules moved and carefully manoeuvred his friend round onto his back again, keeping one arm around him. "Are you ... ?"

The light still shone in the azure gaze, coupled with a sweet smile which Hercules had thought never to see again. "Thank you," Iolaus said to his friend, trying but not completely preventing a yawn. "I ... Hercules ... "

"I - didn't - hurt you, did I"? Hercules was still not entirely sure that he had done the right thing by his friend, even though they had both needed what this night had brought them. He could see the new peace in the other man's impossibly blue eyes, coupled with a depth of love which would have frightened him with its intensity, had it not been for the infinite wellspring of the same emotion in his heart which had as its focus the friend he now held in his strong embrace.

Iolaus's smile never wavered, but he brought up one hand to softly stroke the worried face. "No," he said, with complete and utter conviction. "You could never hurt me. You've given me my life back again, Hercules. At least - a large part of it." He hesitated, then added, almost shyly, "There could never be anyone else like you. I am so proud that you chose me as your friend - and I will always love you. Nothing can ever change that."

"Iolaus ..." Hercules's anxious expression melted with the warmth of his smile and the love he could feel from the brave heart of the warrior in his arms. "I wonder if you realise how proud I feel to walk beside you as your friend? Your courage and your zest for life gives me the strength I need - I don't know what I would do without you. And I will always be here for you, whenever, whatever you need. I would die for you."

The blond-haired man smiled, forced to stifle another yawn before he could respond to this.

Recognising that his friend was exhausted, from both the nightmares and their exertions, Hercules made himself comfortable on the blanket beneath them, pulling the smaller man toward him. "Go to sleep," he ordered Iolaus, as the blond head fell onto his shoulder. "You're exhausted."

"I am tired," Iolaus admitted, around another yawn. "Feel like I could sleep for a week."

"A week might be too long," laughed the demi-god, "but I think we can manage another day."

Iolaus nodded, nestling deeper into his friend's arms as Hercules pulled the covering blanket up and around them both.

"Rest easy, my friend," he said, a gentle finger tenderly tracing a path down one cheek. "Forever and always together, Iolaus. It's time to let the healing begin."

 

FINIS

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